Some people think computer games have negative impacts on children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some are of the opinion that computer
games
Use synonyms
are negative effects on
children
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
essay will argue that
this
Linking Words
opinion
generally
Add a missing verb
is generally
show examples
true. It is correct that gaming and streaming platforms
such
Linking Words
as Steam and Epic Store provide some educational materials and applications.If these materials and services are used correctly, maybe in future some of them can be used on a daily basis. ,
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
there are tons of
games
Use synonyms
that distract
attention
Add an article
the attention
show examples
of
children
Use synonyms
. At
this
Linking Words
age, juveniles should focus on their academic career and homework rather than wasting their precious time on online services.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
MMORPGs are highly competitive
games
Use synonyms
that have stressful effects on
children
Use synonyms
's health and mentality. Most of the
games
Use synonyms
created with hundreds of developers
this
Linking Words
result in so much different content that
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
attention.
Although
Linking Words
kids enjoy multiplayer
games
Use synonyms
or RPGs, they should be restricted to only 1 or 2 hours a day. Because these
games
Use synonyms
have a huge amount of tasks and quests that require a lot of hours to complete. Lots of
games
Use synonyms
and applications require a huge amount of time to afford. Some of them are priced at 50 or 60 dollars for a game which is expensive for those who have lower incomes.
Eventually
Add a comma
,Eventually
show examples
these
games
Use synonyms
are dangerous for relationships between kids and their friends. They should play face-to-face
instead
Linking Words
of online.
This
Linking Words
will improve their communication skills. Improved abilities assist
children
Use synonyms
to develop future beneficial networks. In conclusion, computer
games
Use synonyms
attract
children
Use synonyms
with their well-designed structure and joy. I believe that we should keep them away from our
children
Use synonyms
because of their negative results.
Submitted by historicalpen on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: