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Band 5.5

Some people think computer games have negative impacts on children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #computer #games #impacts #children
Some are of the opinion that computer
games
 are negative effects on
children
.
This
 essay will argue that
this
 opinion
generally
Add a missing verb
is generally
show examples
 true. It is correct that gaming and streaming platforms
such
 as Steam and Epic Store provide some educational materials and applications.If these materials and services are used correctly, maybe in future some of them can be used on a daily basis. ,
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 there are tons of
games
 that distract
attention
Add an article
the attention
show examples
 of
children
. At
this
 age, juveniles should focus on their academic career and homework rather than wasting their precious time on online services.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 MMORPGs are highly competitive
games
 that have stressful effects on
children
's health and mentality. Most of the
games
 created with hundreds of developers
this
 result in so much different content that
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 attention.
Although
 kids enjoy multiplayer
games
 or RPGs, they should be restricted to only 1 or 2 hours a day. Because these
games
 have a huge amount of tasks and quests that require a lot of hours to complete. Lots of
games
 and applications require a huge amount of time to afford. Some of them are priced at 50 or 60 dollars for a game which is expensive for those who have lower incomes.
Eventually
Add a comma
,Eventually
show examples
 these
games
 are dangerous for relationships between kids and their friends. They should play face-to-face
instead
 of online.
This
 will improve their communication skills. Improved abilities assist
children
 to develop future beneficial networks. In conclusion, computer
games
 attract
children
 with their well-designed structure and joy. I believe that we should keep them away from our
children
 because of their negative results.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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