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Writing Samples
Band 5

Public health is becoming an urgent issue nowadays. Some argue that governments should create nutrition and food choice laws to improve public health, while others believe that it is a matter of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#health #argue #governments #nutrition #food #choice #laws #matter #responsibility
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Today the
health
 of people is an important problem to our society and the public is divided between those who think that state needs to create nutrition to increase the strength of the nation and who think that
health
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 personal problem of people. I agree with the public that believes
health
 is a personal responsibility. The first reason is that anybody should care for themselves ,especially for their own well-being.
It is clear that
 most humans are born with normal fitness and it
human's
Add a missing verb
is human's
show examples
 responsibility to keep it like that and that's only humans who ruin their own well-being. For ,instance if we will track two men for the time length of thirty years and if one of them will stick healthy style of life but another person will do opposite actions
it is clear that
 after thirty years the first man will be healthy and the second unhealthy. Even though it is right that authority should be involved in the
health
 of its own society
however
 it's not good when
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 dirty work for others so it needs to promote a healthy lifestyle. A good example is the Netherlands where almost everybody drives a bicycle so the Dutch authority hits two birds with one stone.
Their
Change the word
The
show examples
 public helps ecology and at the same ,time they are helping their own physical condition.
Such
 examples can be found everywhere in the world. In conclusion, I believe that everybody must take care of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own well-being and the regime
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to assist
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 people by developing facilitates that can improve
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 of the nation in future.
Submitted by Abdu.abetayev on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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