Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents

The way
chiliene
Correct your spelling
children
develop
Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
depends
firstly
on the surroundings in which they are raised, we are a summary of our outside world. It is argued that
children
who are raised in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with problems of adulthood
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
than
children
raised by wealthy families. I believe that in
life
, the matter is given by facing difficult circumstances at an early age, that are forcing the infant to develop faster than it usually happens.
Firstly
, there is no doubt that
children
who were raised in poorer families are more likely to face difficulties early in their childhood and teenage.
For instance
, having fewer possibilities determines the need to step
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
adult shoes faster, by contributing
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
financial work, maybe even getting a job that automatically will influence the perspective of real
life
. It brings awareness to the growth process and
this
fastens their maturity
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Secondly
, I believe that experience makes the difference, not the financial status in which you were raised. But in the case of not having many possibilities, the need for creating them for yourself is naturally born, because you are conscious that nobody is giving them for free so you begin to create your own.
This
way, you can develop useful skills that will suit adult
life
problems. Some of the wealthy
children
do not have a landmark related to working for what
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
want. Some of them do not know how much implication and devotion
life
needs. If
life
was presented as black and white
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
adulthood will surprise and scare many teenagers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they are entering a whole different, full of
grey
Add an article
the grey
a grey
show examples
timeline. In conclusion, I believe that
children
raised with fewer possibilities are better at dealing
and
Change preposition
with and
show examples
solving adult problems , rather than the ones raised by wealthy parents.
Submitted by carlaradu69 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: