IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the percentage of greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the percentage of greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The two pie charts illustrate the
energy
Use synonyms
 consumed by an average household
Change preposition
in
show examples
Australia.
Secondly
Linking Words
, It shows the percentage of emission of greenhouse gas
according to
Linking Words
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption.
Overall
Linking Words
, Most of the people residing in Australia consumed
energy
Use synonyms
 for heating.
Similarly
Linking Words
, only 2% was used by the citizens for cooling purposes. With regards to household
energy
Use synonyms
 use, the amount of heating was widely used by the people which is 47%. Followed by, water heating at 30%. Moving
further
Linking Words
, the proportion of other appliances is 25%. Refrigerator and lighting comprised 7% and 8% respectively.
However
Linking Words
,
energy
Use synonyms
 consumed for cooling is considered the least percentage.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, most of the emissions are made by using water appliances which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 32%. Followed by, other appliances and heating contributing 28% and 25 %respectively. The emission of gas from the refrigerator is 14%.
However
Linking Words
, lighting was at 8%. At
last
Linking Words
, least proportion was contributed by cooling which is only 3%

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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