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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the difficulties people have when they move to a new country and how the problems vary according to people’s ages.

The bar chart shows the difficulties people have when they move to a new country and how the problems vary according to people’s ages.
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The bar graph indicates data regarding the difficulties people
face
Use synonyms
 when they migrate to a new country and the problems vary depending on various age groups. Looking at the chart, it is crystal clear that the young community
face
Use synonyms
 the least difficulty in learning a new
language
Use synonyms
 which is slightly below 30%
whereas
Linking Words
adults
Use synonyms
 (35-54) have to put more effects into learning a new
language
Use synonyms
 35%.
However
Linking Words
, older people (over 55) have to
face
Use synonyms
 maximum problems in regards to new
language
Use synonyms
 which is almost 55% that deal with
this
Linking Words
 situation. Talking about making friends and accommodation, the population aged between 18-34
face
Use synonyms
 real challenges to making friends which
is
Change the verb form
are
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 45% of
this
Linking Words
 age group
while
Linking Words
 for
adults
Use synonyms
 (35-54) and older
this
Linking Words
 is a less challenging situation they are approximately 47% and 22% respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to it, finding accommodation has the same challenges for young and
adults
Use synonyms
 (40%) , but the older communities
face
Use synonyms
 the least problem in finding a place to live which is only 21%.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it can be said that learning a new
language
Use synonyms
 is problematic for the older population
while
Linking Words
 making friends and finding accommodation is more difficult for both young and
adults
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words face, language, adults with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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