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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, many people spend less and less time with family. Why is this happening? How does this affect individuals and their families?

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In recent years, people have become that they have not allocated
time
Use synonyms
 to their parents.
This
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 case can be related
with
Change preposition
to
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 technological development, expanded work spans and generation gaps between family
members
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.
This
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 situation affects individuals negatively because they forget the concept of family and solidarity.
Firstly
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, the possible
causes
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 of
this
Linking Words
 situation are improved technologies, long
time
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 work shifts and significant differences between generations. New technologies
such
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 as
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
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, computer software and movie applications have led to separation in homes. It was weird that as a technological device, television could attract
members
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 and it allowed them to make conversation which is essential for sustaining family ties.
In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days, every member of
family
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the family
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 has preferred to watch movies and play games
instead
Linking Words
 of
only
Add a missing verb
having only
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 a
half hour
Add a hyphen
half-hour
show examples
 conversation. Extended work shifts have an important role in terms of decreasing family ties. Family
members
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 especially parents cannot allocate
time
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 for their
children
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 in comparison to the past and those
children
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 who
exposed
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are exposed
show examples
from
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to
show examples
 parents’ interests would become more individual.
Finally
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,
generation
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the generation
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 gap has been a common problem since the beginning of humanity,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
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last
Linking Words
 decades generation spans have
shortened
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been shortened
show examples
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology.
Thus
Linking Words
 communication between
members
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 has become more and more difficult.
As a result
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, these three
causes
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 have created
Add an article
the problem
a problem
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in spending
time
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 with family.
Secondly
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, these
causes
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 harm
families’
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to families’
show examples
 and
members
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’ relationships. Especially,
this
Linking Words
 situation is more detrimental for
children
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 because if they lose their emotions about their family, their behaviour and future would change negatively without family memories.
Besides
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, parents may suffer from their emotions and loneliness in their late ages
due to
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 weak ties between
children
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. In
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
terms
Fix the agreement mistake
term
show examples
, each member may experience mental disorders in the future because depriving and exposing
of
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apply
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many emotions can create depressive manner after many years. In short, harms would magnify
according to
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 deprivation and identity in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
terms
Fix the agreement mistake
term
show examples
. In conclusion,
causes
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 and effects can be multiplied
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 case. In my opinion, to prevent these bad impacts
due to
Linking Words
 separation in families,
members
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 should
open
Add a missing verb
be open
show examples
 to
understand
Wrong verb form
understanding
show examples
 them and allocate certain times for conversation.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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