The proportion of elderly people in some societies is increasing rapidly.Do you think the negative effect of such trend outweigh the positive effect?

There is a rapid growth in the population of the elderly cohort in some countries. If

this

Linking Words

trend

continues

Punctuation problem

continues,

show examples

it could bring favourable

along

Linking Words

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

unfavourable impacts on society.Even though there are some merits

through

Change preposition

show examples

it, its shortcomings far outweigh the benefits.I will give

further

Linking Words

argumentation in the

below paragraphs

Correct word order

paragraphs below

show examples

. On the one hand, more veterans could bring a variety of important knowledge to the younger generation.

For instance

Linking Words

, the knowledge that the elderly had gained from experiences could be

valuable

Correct article usage

a valuable

show examples

assets

Fix the agreement mistake

asset

show examples

for a company

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

if they give it to their juniors. Another beneficial aspect is elderly can help to nurture children because some elderly are considered to be wiser because of their long life experiences

Punctuation problem

. This

show examples

this

Linking Words

practice could help the productive group to lessen their burden from rearing their own children, and focus more on their work

instead

Linking Words

Therefore

Linking Words

, looking into

this

Linking Words

perspective elderly could play an important role

to support

Change preposition

in supporting

show examples

younger people.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, if senior citizens are increasing

Punctuation problem

, it

show examples

could result negatively in a country's economic condition. Evidence for

this

Linking Words

Verb problem

is found in

show examples

one part of the

Indonesia

Use the right word

Indonesian

show examples

region in Malang,

there

Rephrase

where there

show examples

are more elderly people than productive dwellers, which affects the slower pace of development compared to other regions.

In addition

Linking Words

, in terms of

business

Correct article usage

a business

show examples

perspective, older employees

consider

Wrong verb form

are considered

show examples

slower to comprehend information

due to

Linking Words

the

limit

Replace the word

limitations

show examples

of human physical condition.

Hence

Linking Words

, if a company keep the elderly to work, it could limit its production value. All in all,

while

Linking Words

it is beneficial if the elderly support the younger ones in some part, more productive age group individuals are more desirable to the development of regions and

private

Correct article usage

the private

show examples

sectors

Fix the agreement mistake

sector

show examples

iamlearner9697

Mar 4, 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

State a clear view in the first line and keep it in all parts of the essay.

task response

Give more strong reasons and simple, real examples to back them up.

coherence

Keep sentences short and easy. Break long lines.

coherence

Use simple linking words to join ideas well.

structure

The essay shows a plan with two sides.

structure

There is a use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

273 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Aging population
Healthcare costs
Medical care
Contributions
Mentorship
Pension systems
Retirees
Workforce
Social services
Intergenerational bonding
Financial sector
Savings
Investment patterns
Innovation
Demographic

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Recently, the rate of teenager's crimes has increased. Some people may have claimed that young criminals should be punished like adults. I understand that suggestion, however, I personally disagree with this because young people are able to improve by our assistance.
7.5
band
The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Improving human lives should be the most imperative point for science. I entirely agree with this statement, because innovation has made it easy for human beings to communicate with others across the globe and also to navigation easier.
7
band
Whether or not the newcomers should keep their own customs or follow the customs of the new country.Discuss both views and give your opinions
Whether or not the newcomers should keep their own customs or follow the customs of the new country is a source of controversy in today’s society. This essay aims to shed light on both types of views and reveals my viewpoint toward this debate.
6
band
Some people believe that countries should invite foreign companies to open their brunches, offices and factories in order to develop their economies. Others think countries should invest in their own companies instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
The vital role of companies in contributing to national economics is undeniable. It has sparked heated controversies that many people claim nations should ask overseas companies to open their branches, work offices and factories to boost their economies. In contrast, some people think nations should invest in their own companies. From my perspective, I totally agree with the former.
7
band
some people say that the main environmental problem of our times is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Other say that there are more important environmental problems. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There are differing views regarding whether environmental problems become a notable issue in the world. I could argue that the loss of animals and vegetation by human exploitation must be the top priority to solve. However, we cannot underestimate another affair, such as air pollution.

The proportion of elderly people in some societies is increasing rapidly.Do you think the negative effect of such trend outweigh the positive effect?

some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Whether or not the newcomers should keep their own customs or follow the customs of the new country.Discuss both views and give your opinions

Some people believe that countries should invite foreign companies to open their brunches, offices and factories in order to develop their economies. Others think countries should invest in their own companies instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

some people say that the main environmental problem of our times is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Other say that there are more important environmental problems. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.