The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.
The bar charts illustrate
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the number of pupils’ UK who got
Correct article usage
a master
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master
Change noun form
master's
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and PhD
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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worked part-time,
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for voluntary
show examples
voluntary
Change the word
voluntarily
show examples
work,
further
study
or
Add a missing verb
were unemployment
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unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
show examples
in 2008.
Overall
, we can see that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
students
who got master’s
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
wanted to
further
study
.
However
, postgraduate
students
liked to work part-time and continued their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
. Almost from
70,000
Correct article usage
the 70,000
show examples
students
who got their master, more than half of them wanted to
further
study
and about 21,000 of them preferred to
worked
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work
show examples
as part-time or
voluntary
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voluntarily
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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the ratio of each
were
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
about 17,735 and 3,500 respectively.
Although
, about 16,000
students
didn’t do anything.
In
Change preposition
Of
show examples
postgraduate
students
, one-third of them preferred to
further
study
and 30% of them, which was about 2,500
students
, worked
part-time
Add an article
a part-time
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
and just under 400 pupils did voluntary work. But, about 1,600 pupils were
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
show examples
.
Submitted by shahab_e2020 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words study, students with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Graduate
  • Postgraduate
  • Full-time work
  • Further education
  • Part-time work
  • Unemployment
  • Volunteering
  • Traveling
  • Gap year
  • Career progression
  • Job market
  • Transition
  • Academic life
  • Professional sphere
  • Economic factors
  • Social factors
  • Financial crisis
  • Long-term impact
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