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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A growing number of people work by telecommuting, that is, the employee works from home, using a computer and the Internet to connect with the office. What are the advantages and disadvantages of working this way?

#people #work #employee #works #home #computer #internet #office
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Nowadays the majority of workers prefer occupation from home where they can use a computer and the internet to
work
 distantly and in
this
 essay, I will discuss several benefits and drawbacks of it.
Overall
, distance occupation is very comfortable and saves
time
 and energy,
although
 the employees because of it can not feel like a part of society and have problems with communication in the future. First of all,
people
 who
work
 at home have good flexible
work
 hours and they cooperate several jobs and do not feel distracted and exhausted so distance
work
 is very useful for
people
 who want to have several works or for disabled
people
.
In other words
, individuals are allowed to manage their
time
 properly and
this
 leads to improvement in self-development.
For example
, the statistics from the magazine
Time
 showed that nowadays more than 72 per cent of employees in big campaigns
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 been working online and
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 develops the finance and economy of the company.
On the other hand
, working online is the best solution to reduce the
time
 and energy spent on the way to
work
, so individuals do not suffer because of it anymore.
Therefore
,
people
 use their strength and
time
 for completing tasks on
time
 and it helps for developing the company.
For instance
, the majority of the workforce at Apple
work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
show examples
 distantly and it
even
Rephrase
apply
show examples
does not make any problem
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
contrary to the data in 2020, improved effectiveness and quality of
work
. In conclusion, in the modern world working from home is not something unusual or strange
in contrast
, it welcomes for person`s private life and desires which preserves the mental and physical health of
people
.
Submitted by zbirliknur01 on

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Task Achievement
The essay lacks coherence and fails to adequately address the topic. The main points are not clearly supported, and the ideas are not fully developed.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure is poor, and the essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the progression of ideas within paragraphs is unclear.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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