IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A growing number of people work by telecommuting, that is, the employee works from home, using a computer and the Internet to connect with the office. What are the advantages and disadvantages of working this way?

#people #work #employee #works #home #computer #internet #office
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Nowadays the majority of workers prefer occupation from home where they can use a computer and the internet to
work
Use synonyms
 distantly and in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss several benefits and drawbacks of it.
Overall
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, distance occupation is very comfortable and saves
time
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 and energy,
although
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 the employees because of it can not feel like a part of society and have problems with communication in the future. First of all,
people
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 who
work
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 at home have good flexible
work
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 hours and they cooperate several jobs and do not feel distracted and exhausted so distance
work
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 is very useful for
people
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 who want to have several works or for disabled
people
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.
In other words
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, individuals are allowed to manage their
time
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 properly and
this
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 leads to improvement in self-development.
For example
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, the statistics from the magazine
Time
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 showed that nowadays more than 72 per cent of employees in big campaigns
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 been working online and
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
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 develops the finance and economy of the company.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, working online is the best solution to reduce the
time
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 and energy spent on the way to
work
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, so individuals do not suffer because of it anymore.
Therefore
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,
people
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 use their strength and
time
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 for completing tasks on
time
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 and it helps for developing the company.
For instance
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, the majority of the workforce at Apple
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work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
show examples
 distantly and it
even
Rephrase
apply
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does not make any problem
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
contrary to the data in 2020, improved effectiveness and quality of
work
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. In conclusion, in the modern world working from home is not something unusual or strange
in contrast
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, it welcomes for person`s private life and desires which preserves the mental and physical health of
people
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.
Submitted by zbirliknur01 on

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Task Achievement
The essay lacks coherence and fails to adequately address the topic. The main points are not clearly supported, and the ideas are not fully developed.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure is poor, and the essay lacks coherence and cohesion. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the progression of ideas within paragraphs is unclear.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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