Some people feel that entertainers( e.g. film stars,pop musicians or sports star) are paid too much money. Do u agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid? Give reasons for your answer with relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #entertainers #e #g #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #star #money #jobs

Some

people

opine that popular figures from sports, films and music get more payment. I strongly agree

Change preposition

with my

show examples

views on

this

statement and believe that there are many professionals

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

need more recognition.In

this

essay,I will explain my views on

this

topic with relevant examples.

To begin

with, the entertainment industry

are

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show examples

paying more

money

for their popular stars, there are many reasons behind it.

Firstly

the popularity of social media and

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its

show examples

technology

create

Correct subject-verb agreement

creates

show examples

wide acceptance of

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

famous

personpeople

Correct your spelling

person people

person-people

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apply

show examples

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

increases their demand

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for

show examples

appearance

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show examples

many social events.

Secondly

new

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the new

show examples

generation completely relays on

fashion

Correct article usage

the fashion

show examples

industries

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industry

show examples

Therefore

people

follow these popular faces to update their make-up trends and

dressing

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dress

show examples

Thirdly

modern

Correct article usage

the modern

show examples

lifestyle always

bring

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brings

show examples

stress and anxiety to our life.

In addition

people

considered TV shows and other

reality

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real

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events for reducing their

problem

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problems

show examples

, always

generate

Wrong verb form

generating

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

demand

Change preposition

for

show examples

these entertainers.So their high value of acceptance

increase

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increases

show examples

their salary.

On the other hand

, the jobs like community health workers , cleaning

staffs

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staff

show examples

, hospital administrators and even doctors get less amount of

money

compared to

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

entertainers.

Consequently

this community service holders

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this community service holder

these community service holders

show examples

less

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fewer

show examples

salaries affected their

job

performance and many

people

leave their employment because of that.

For example

Correct article usage

the UK

show examples

, NHS

trust

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trusts

show examples

now facing

non-availability

Correct article usage

the non-availability

show examples

of nurses because the

job

providers not giving them

good

Add an article

a good

show examples

amount of

money

Therefore

,nearly 35000 nurses leave their

job

and migrated to other English-speaking countries like Australia and Canada for

better

Add an article

a better

show examples

life. So having these tendencies bring social inequality and scarcity of services in the field of health and welfare. In conclusion, every

job

has its own respect so it is essential to pay

good

Add an article

a good

show examples

amount of

money

for their respective services. But, I,strongly believe that whoever working in the field of health and education needs more

money

than

entertainment

Correct article usage

the entertainment

show examples

field.

Submitted by sooryag03 on Sun Mar 05 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people feel that entertainers( e.g. film stars,pop musicians or sports star) are paid too much money. Do u agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid? Give reasons for your answer with relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Governments should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports. Do you agree or disagree?

some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this has set a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?