Some people feel that entertainers( e.g. film stars,pop musicians or sports star) are paid too much money. Do u agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid? Give reasons for your answer with relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #entertainers #e #g #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #star #money #jobs

Some

people

opine that popular figures from sports, films and music get more payment. I strongly agree

Change preposition

with my

show examples

views on

this

statement and believe that there are many professionals

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

need more recognition.In

this

essay,I will explain my views on

this

topic with relevant examples.

To begin

with, the entertainment industry

are

Change the verb form

show examples

paying more

money

for their popular stars, there are many reasons behind it.

Firstly

the popularity of social media and

Change the pronoun

its

show examples

technology

create

Correct subject-verb agreement

creates

show examples

wide acceptance of

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

famous

personpeople

Correct your spelling

person people

person-people

Change preposition

apply

show examples

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

increases their demand

Change preposition

for

show examples

appearance

Change preposition

show examples

many social events.

Secondly

new

Correct article usage

the new

show examples

generation completely relays on

fashion

Correct article usage

the fashion

show examples

industries

Fix the agreement mistake

industry

show examples

Therefore

people

follow these popular faces to update their make-up trends and

dressing

Replace the word

dress

show examples

Thirdly

modern

Correct article usage

the modern

show examples

lifestyle always

bring

Change the verb form

brings

show examples

stress and anxiety to our life.

In addition

people

considered TV shows and other

reality

Replace the word

real

show examples

events for reducing their

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

, always

generate

Wrong verb form

generating

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

demand

Change preposition

for

show examples

these entertainers.So their high value of acceptance

increase

Change the verb form

increases

show examples

their salary.

On the other hand

, the jobs like community health workers , cleaning

staffs

Fix the agreement mistake

staff

show examples

, hospital administrators and even doctors get less amount of

money

compared to

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

entertainers.

Consequently

this community service holders

Change the determiner

this community service holder

these community service holders

show examples

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

salaries affected their

job

performance and many

people

leave their employment because of that.

For example

Correct article usage

the UK

show examples

, NHS

trust

Fix the agreement mistake

trusts

show examples

now facing

non-availability

Correct article usage

the non-availability

show examples

of nurses because the

job

providers not giving them

good

Add an article

a good

show examples

amount of

money

Therefore

,nearly 35000 nurses leave their

job

and migrated to other English-speaking countries like Australia and Canada for

better

Add an article

a better

show examples

life. So having these tendencies bring social inequality and scarcity of services in the field of health and welfare. In conclusion, every

job

has its own respect so it is essential to pay

good

Add an article

a good

show examples

amount of

money

for their respective services. But, I,strongly believe that whoever working in the field of health and education needs more

money

than

entertainment

Correct article usage

the entertainment

show examples

field.

Submitted by sooryag03 on Sun Mar 05 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Some people believe it is better to raise children in the city, while others consider the countryside to be a more suitable choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In this modern world, a large number of people believe that metropolitan city is become the best place for growth their children. However, others consider the countryside to be a more suitable choice, in my perspective I agree that town is better place for children growth. A long with this essay I am going to discussed both views and give several reason from my argument.
6.5
band
In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
In numerous nations, educational institutions face serious difficulties with their pupils’ conduct. This essay will suggest that poor parenting is the root cause of this phenomenon and submit that a public awareness campaign is the most viable solution, followed by a reasoned conclusion.
<4
band
Some people think that the environment may be destroyed because of tourism. Others, however, believe that it is a way to preserve nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
there is no doubt that Some people think tourism is the cause of sabotage and destroyed the enviroment , only smart people who is beliveing of nature state.
6
band
Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.  Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. !
People have different views about whether children should be taught to be competitive or co-operative. While a spirit of competition can sometimes be useful in life, I believe that the ability to co-operate is more important. ! !
4.5
band
In some societies the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. What are the reasons for this trend? And what possible solutions could reduce this issue?
According to data, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. there are many countries having problems with crimes and violence around teenagers. in my opinion, in the digital era, teenagers can access many resources about violent content. they can see on many platforms social media and games. those could have a negative impact if they were always consumed about that. For example, there was a case in my city. A teenager commits violence against his friends, who have watched on tik tok about bullying practice in other school. He inspired after watched that content.

Some people feel that entertainers( e.g. film stars,pop musicians or sports star) are paid too much money. Do u agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid? Give reasons for your answer with relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe it is better to raise children in the city, while others consider the countryside to be a more suitable choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Some people think that the environment may be destroyed because of tourism. Others, however, believe that it is a way to preserve nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. !

In some societies the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. What are the reasons for this trend? And what possible solutions could reduce this issue?

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.  Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. !