Some people feel that entertainers( e.g. film stars,pop musicians or sports star) are paid too much money. Do u agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid? Give reasons for your answer with relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #entertainers #e #g #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #star #money #jobs

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Some

people

Use synonyms

opine that popular figures from sports, films and music get more payment. I strongly agree

Change preposition

with my

show examples

views on

this

Linking Words

statement and believe that there are many professionals

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

need more recognition.In

this

Linking Words

essay,I will explain my views on

this

Linking Words

topic with relevant examples.

To begin

Linking Words

with, the entertainment industry

are

Change the verb form

show examples

paying more

money

Use synonyms

for their popular stars, there are many reasons behind it.

Firstly

Linking Words

the popularity of social media and

Change the pronoun

its

show examples

technology

create

Correct subject-verb agreement

creates

show examples

wide acceptance of

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

famous

personpeople

Correct your spelling

person people

person-people

Change preposition

apply

show examples

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

increases their demand

Change preposition

for

show examples

appearance

Change preposition

show examples

many social events.

Secondly

Linking Words

new

Correct article usage

the new

show examples

generation completely relays on

fashion

Correct article usage

the fashion

show examples

industries

Fix the agreement mistake

industry

show examples

Therefore

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

follow these popular faces to update their make-up trends and

dressing

Replace the word

dress

show examples

Thirdly

Linking Words

modern

Correct article usage

the modern

show examples

lifestyle always

bring

Change the verb form

brings

show examples

stress and anxiety to our life.

In addition

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

considered TV shows and other

reality

Replace the word

real

show examples

events for reducing their

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

, always

generate

Wrong verb form

generating

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

demand

Change preposition

for

show examples

these entertainers.So their high value of acceptance

increase

Change the verb form

increases

show examples

their salary.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, the jobs like community health workers , cleaning

staffs

Fix the agreement mistake

staff

show examples

, hospital administrators and even doctors get less amount of

money

Use synonyms

compared to

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

entertainers.

Consequently

Linking Words

this community service holders

Change the determiner

this community service holder

these community service holders

show examples

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

salaries affected their

job

Use synonyms

performance and many

people

Use synonyms

leave their employment because of that.

For example

Linking Words

Correct article usage

the UK

show examples

, NHS

trust

Fix the agreement mistake

trusts

show examples

now facing

non-availability

Correct article usage

the non-availability

show examples

of nurses because the

job

Use synonyms

providers not giving them

good

Add an article

a good

show examples

amount of

money

Use synonyms

Therefore

Linking Words

,nearly 35000 nurses leave their

job

Use synonyms

and migrated to other English-speaking countries like Australia and Canada for

better

Add an article

a better

show examples

life. So having these tendencies bring social inequality and scarcity of services in the field of health and welfare. In conclusion, every

job

Use synonyms

has its own respect so it is essential to pay

good

Add an article

a good

show examples

amount of

money

Use synonyms

for their respective services. But, I,strongly believe that whoever working in the field of health and education needs more

money

Use synonyms

than

entertainment

Correct article usage

the entertainment

show examples

field.

Submitted by sooryag03 on Sun Mar 05 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

298 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
In some countries, it is possible to have a variety of food that has been transported from all over the world. To what extent do you think its benefits outweigh the drawbacks?
In modern society, we enjoy various foods which have been imported from other countries. On the one hand, having a variety of food from all over the world seems unnecessary and has harmful effects on our food consumption, but I also think experiencing a variety of food has more positive than we might have thought.
7
band
Online education is becoming increasingly popular. Many university students are choosing to study online instead of face to face. Do the advantages of distance education outwiegh the disadvantages?
As online-based learning becomes increasingly popular, many university students prefer to study online rather than face-to-face. I firmly believe that the advantages of long-distance classrooms significantly outweigh the disadvantages.
5
band
There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a common belief such as today's modern world children are exposedto alot of pressure to achieve academic success,therefore plenty of people believe that physical education and cookery should be taken off from school curriculum.I completely disagree with this statement.
5
band
Ambition is a positive quality for people to have in society today. How important is it for people who want to succeed in life? Is it a positive or negative characteristic?
In recent years, some state that people have to be ambitious to be a great part of society. In my opinion, this idea is quite crucial because of a certain reason that I mention in this essay, and the characteristic is considered as both positive and negative personality.
7
band
Although the prices of fuels have greatly increased over the last decade or two, it is argued that further increases in fuel prices are the only way to reduce world consumption of fuel and lessen pressure on the world's fuel resources.
In recent years, it has been observed that there has been a noticeable rise in the number of individuals discussing the potential effects resulting from the surge in petroleum costs and its impact on various aspects of our daily lives. It is frequently argued that raising the cost of fuel is the most effective approach to reducing global consumption. while others strongly oppose this approach, advocating instead for the promotion of clean energy alternatives. In this essay, it will be argued that a balance between elevating fuel costs and promoting the adoption of renewable energy is crucial for achieving both economic stability and environmental sustainability.

Some people feel that entertainers( e.g. film stars,pop musicians or sports star) are paid too much money. Do u agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid? Give reasons for your answer with relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some countries, it is possible to have a variety of food that has been transported from all over the world. To what extent do you think its benefits outweigh the drawbacks?

Online education is becoming increasingly popular. Many university students are choosing to study online instead of face to face. Do the advantages of distance education outwiegh the disadvantages?

Ambition is a positive quality for people to have in society today. How important is it for people who want to succeed in life? Is it a positive or negative characteristic?

Although the prices of fuels have greatly increased over the last decade or two, it is argued that further increases in fuel prices are the only way to reduce world consumption of fuel and lessen pressure on the world's fuel resources.