IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink product contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problem. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

#food #drink #product #level #sugar #health #products #people
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Many manufactured food and drink
products
Use synonyms
 contain
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
levels
Correct the article-noun agreement
level
show examples
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
, which causes many health problems. specialists believe that the sugary
products
Use synonyms
prices
Use synonyms
 should
increase
Use synonyms
 to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to consume less
sugar
Use synonyms
. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea. these days
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
 food or
drink
Wrong verb form
drinking
show examples
 sugary
products
Use synonyms
increase
Use synonyms
 among
people
Use synonyms
 and it causes many diseases and problems among them.
Use synonyms
increase
Wrong verb form
Increasing
show examples
 their
prices
Use synonyms
 is a method to avoid
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them.
this
Linking Words
 idea has two great reasons. First of
all
Add a comma
,all
show examples
 it leads to reduce diseases among
people
Use synonyms
 who consume sugary
products
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because to be expensive of them cause
people
Use synonyms
buy
Fix the infinitive
to buy
show examples
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 them owing to
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic aspect it doesn't economically viable
as a result
Linking Words
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 consumption of sugary
products
Use synonyms
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
 plus some diseases
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes eliminate among them and
also
Linking Words
 they less pay for
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 issues.
for example
Linking Words
according to
Linking Words
 harward university research, after increasing
prices
Use synonyms
 of sugary
products
Use synonyms
 in United States between 1995 to 2005 , the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who has diabetes decreased 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
in
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
grow
Wrong verb form
growing
show examples
 up
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 food or drink
prices
Use synonyms
 which have much
sugar
Use synonyms
 can change
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
.
this
Linking Words
 procedure causes
people
Use synonyms
change
Add the particle
to change
show examples
 their eating habits and tend to consume healthy foods or drinks which have less
sugar
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
 it leads to
increase
Use synonyms
 health and
Correct article usage
a reduction
show examples
reduction
Replace the word
reduced
show examples
obesity
Change preposition
in obesity
show examples
 among
people
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
.
for
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 I have a cousin who lives in Swiss. he used to buy sugary drinks a lot and it caused
he
Correct pronoun usage
him
show examples
became
Change the verb form
to become
show examples
 overweight. After
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 government established a rule which increased sugary drinks price, he changed his eating habits and could decrease his weight. in conclusion , to be expensive
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sugary
products
Use synonyms
 lead to
increase
Use synonyms
 health and change
lifestyle
Change preposition
in lifestyle
show examples
 and eating habits among
people
Use synonyms
 which both of them are beneficial for
individual
Add an article
the individual
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 for society
Submitted by aamin.1245 on

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