Nowadays, many schools find it profitable to sell unhealthy food and sugary drinks to students during lunch breaks. Is this a positive or negative development?

#schools #food #drinks #students #lunch #breaks #development

Currently, more and more unhealthy

food

and beverages are sold on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

campus

during

lunch time

Correct your spelling

lunchtime

show examples

. Some

people

may think it can create profits

Change preposition

for

show examples

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

and bring advantages for

school

development

while

I believe that

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

should avoid

to sell

Change the verb form

selling

show examples

these

junk

food

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

campus

due negative impact on children’s health. On the one hand, some

people

may think selling

junk

food

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

campus

can create income for

school

development

School

Fix the agreement mistake

Schools

show examples

can utilize

these money

Change the determiner

this money

show examples

to update

equipments

Change the wording

equipment

types of equipment

pieces of equipment

show examples

, renovate facilities,

as well as

hire better teachers, and

then

create a better learning environment for students.

Additionally

people

may think children still can access these

junk

foods easily from other methods. Children can even

abtain

Correct your spelling

obtain

attain

these

Correct determiner usage

this

show examples

junk

food

at home or online shopping and

then

take them to

school

However

, I believe that

negative

Correct article usage

the negative

show examples

consequences

are outweigh

Change the verb form

outweigh

show examples

the benefits of selling

junk

foods on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

campus

Firstly

, children’s mental and physical

development

are

Change the verb form

show examples

immature. They cannot make appropriate decisions for their

lunch

and snack preparation. It is an essential moment for them to receive healthy nutrients

Change preposition

for

show examples

development

Replace the word

develop

show examples

during

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

teen age

Correct your spelling

teenage

show examples

Also

, I believe that

schools

have obligation to protect children away unhealthy

food

and provide better nutrition for

Add an article

the student

a student

show examples

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

Thus

schools

should provide various healthy

lunch

options,

such

as salads, sandwiches, and sushi.

Due to

various options for students, it can

also

bring extra profits to

schools

. In conclusion,

although

people

may think selling

junk

food

and beverages during

lunch time

Correct your spelling

lunchtime

show examples

can bring extra profits to

schools

, I do believe it

schools

have

responsibility

Add an article

a responsibility

the responsibility

show examples

to provide

healthy

Add an article

a healthy

show examples

environment

Change preposition

for

show examples

students to grow.

Submitted by jackson05234 on Tue Mar 07 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

266 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays, many schools find it profitable to sell unhealthy food and sugary drinks to students during lunch breaks. Is this a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Describe a good advertisement that you think is useful

Some people think eating meat is bad for health Do you agree or disagree?

ome people believe that government spends too much money on space research while there are still a lot of problems on the earth. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.