IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Studies show that crime rates are lower among those with educational degrees. Therefore, the best way to reduce the crime rate is to educate criminals while they are still in prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#studies #show #crime #rates #degrees #rate #criminals #prison
A common discussion among the public is violations and its rate is surging day by day, not only in underdeveloped nations but
also
 in developed countries.
hence
, it is thought by some public that
misdemeanor
Change the spelling
misdemeanour
show examples
 speed can be let down by educating wrong-doers, whilst they are in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail. I completely agree with
this
 nation
due to
 the fact that it can enlarge their senses,
as well as
 can surge their work opportunities.
To begin
 with, I support
this
 statement that crimes can be reduced by providing
indoctrinations
Fix the agreement mistake
indoctrination
show examples
 to the offenders since it can surge their thoughts. To explain, most criminals have
less
Add an article
the less
a less
show examples
 educational background, and often they start the kind things
while
 they are less mature;
thus
, can easily trapped and get addicted.
Therefore
, educating them can give them
senses
Correct article usage
the senses
show examples
 to differentiate
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
wrongs
Fix the agreement mistake
wrong
show examples
 and good. To cite an example, 80% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals have left their past
criminals
Change to a genitive case
criminal's
criminals'
show examples
 life after educating them in prison,
according to
 the India Times, report.
In addition
, I advocate the aforementioned statement because it can uptight their
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
 chances. To elaborate, a number of felonies get back to
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 life just because of no money earning-sources, as they do not have any skills to get work in any
work station
Correct your spelling
workstation
show examples
.
Hence
, allowing them to learn some skills inside custody can increase
chances
Correct pronoun usage
their chances
show examples
 of getting jobs.
For example
, in many jails
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Europe, authorities are providing online skills and businesses to sin committers.
To sum up
, I agree with
this
 nation that
criminal
Correct article usage
the criminal
show examples
 rate can be jotted down by educating them
while
 they are in prison, as it can widen their minds,
as well as
 can spike their jobs getting chances. I personally feel that government need to open proper schooling structures in
such
 places which could be helpful to bring them to normal life.
Submitted by engrizazsaeed on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: