IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph demonstrates the proportion of
tourists
Use synonyms
 to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton,
Art
Correct article usage
the Art
show examples
 Gallery,
Pavilion
Use synonyms
,
Pier
Use synonyms
,
Festival
Correct word choice
and Festival
show examples
 throughout the period from 1980 to 2010.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
visiting
Change preposition
of visiting
show examples
Pier
Use synonyms
 and
Pavilion
Use synonyms
 surged during the period,
while
Linking Words
 the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 to the other attractions declined.
Expecially
Correct your spelling
Especially
,
Pavilion
Use synonyms
 has the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of travellers. In 1980, there were only 10%
Use synonyms
tourists
Change preposition
of tourists
show examples
 to England went to Brighton
Pier
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the figure for
visitors
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
who visitted
show examples
visitted
Correct your spelling
visited
 the
Pavilion
Use synonyms
 was nearly 2.5 times as high
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. At
Pier
Use synonyms
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of travellers fluctuated from 1980 to 2000,
then
Linking Words
 rose gradually to 21% in 2010.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
went
Correct pronoun usage
who went
show examples
 to
Pavilion
Use synonyms
 rocketed
dramtically
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 to reach a peak of almost 50% in 2010 and became the highest destination attractive to
tourists
Use synonyms
. The most popular Brighton attraction in 1980 for
visitors
Use synonyms
 to England was
Festival
Correct article usage
the Festival
show examples
.
Festival
Correct article usage
The Festival
show examples
 had the highest proportion of
tourists
Use synonyms
 at 30%, compared to only 20% of
tourists
Use synonyms
visitting
Correct your spelling
visiting
Art
Correct article usage
the Art
show examples
 Gallery. The proportion of travellers rose slightly to 37% in 1985. Over the next 25 years,
this
Linking Words
 decreased sharply to only 9%,
beinf
Correct your spelling
being
 the lowest
atractive
Correct your spelling
attractive
 destination among 4
attraction
Fix the agreement mistake
attractions
show examples
 in 2010. Apart from Art Gallery, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of people who travelled
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the Festival remained quite stable,
declined
Wrong verb form
declining
show examples
 modestly by only 2% in 2010.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words tourists, pavilion, pier, percentage, visitors with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: