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Band 4

Online currencies have become more common in recent years. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development? Many people today would argue that cinemas are becoming irrelevant due to new streaming services. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#currencies #years #development #people #cinemas #services
In recent years, finding peace to enjoy watching
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 become a
tend
Correct your spelling
trend
show examples
.
Alternative
Add an article
The alternative
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 between cinema and
steaming
Correct your spelling
streaming
show examples
 apps. Nowadays, we have more options to choose from
steaming
Correct your spelling
streaming
show examples
 apps
such
 as
Netfix
Correct your spelling
Netflix
, YouTube, prime etc. I believed that people chose watching movies at home not just only saving budget ,
also
Correct word choice
but also
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home
Correct word choice
because home
show examples
 always
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 the cosy ,
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
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 and unlimited time to pause the
movie
 whenever they prefer , on top of that people having busy nowadays ,
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
 is a great way to
family
Add an article
the family
a family
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 they can share the time with family
while
 they can do the multi
hime
Correct your spelling
home
 tasks Personally, I would love to choose to watch
Add an article
a movie
the movie
show examples
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
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 in cinemas rather than watch at home , the main reason
is support
Change the verb form
is supported
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movie
Correct article usage
the movie
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 industry is matter
for
Change preposition
to
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 me , we not
not
Remove the redundancy
apply
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only enjoy the
movie
,
behind
Correct word choice
but behind
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 the
movie
 we are supporting all the team and staff put a great effort in the film.
As well as
 every theatre is unique and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 own value and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 lightly different service to customers.
Moreover
, which
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 a huge diamond screen , 3D perfect quality sound, massive large
comfort
Replace the word
comfortable
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 chair.
Apart from
this
 , it gives a great opportunity to gather friends and family together to share and create a great moment together,
also
Correct word choice
and also
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 it
extend
Change the verb form
extends
show examples
 them to share their feeling and perspective after the film. In conclusion,
although
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
steaming apps
quite
Add a missing verb
are quite
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 popular and
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
integrate
Fix the infinitive
to integrate
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 into people’s daily life. I would argue that the former cannot replace the latter, because the value of watching in theatre is including the experience and 3D sensory in it.
Hence
, I strongly think that after covid , everyone
keen
Add a missing verb
is keen
show examples
 to join in the Community and social life.
Submitted by crystal2005cps on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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