IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.

The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.
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The given table represents the proportion of
money
Use synonyms
 spent on 4 common items by adults and children in the UK in 1998.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 women spent the highest
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 on
food
Use synonyms
, their expenditure on
video
Correct article usage
the video
show examples
 category was the lowest one.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
Use synonyms
music
Correct article usage
the music
show examples
category
Add a comma
,category
show examples
 the highest expenditure was represented by both
boys
Use synonyms
 and girls. Spending 39% of income on
food
Use synonyms
 women surpassed all other age groups.
However
Linking Words
, the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 spent by men and women on electronic
equipment
Use synonyms
 and
videos
Use synonyms
 was the highest
with1
Correct your spelling
with 1
% and 0,5% respectively. On average, 112% was spent by men on
food
Use synonyms
 and electronic
equipment
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 their
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
 on
music
Use synonyms
 and
videos
Use synonyms
 accounted for 7% in total. Adults spent the same
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 on electronic
equipment
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 was 5 times higher compared to the proportion of income they spent on
videos
Use synonyms
, which was 1%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, children,
boys
Use synonyms
, and girls spent almost the same on
food
Use synonyms
 with
1
Correct article usage
a 1
show examples
% difference between each. The category in which children,
boys
Use synonyms
, and girls dominated was
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 with theirs
39
Change preposition
at 39
show examples
%, 38%,
40
Correct word choice
and 40
show examples
% respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
,
boys
Use synonyms
 spent 18% equally on electronic
equipment
Use synonyms
 and
videos
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words money, amount, food, music, boys, equipment, videos with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "represents" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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