IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Employer should focus on personal qualities over qualifications and experienced when choosing someone for a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#employer #focus #qualities #qualifications #someone #job
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In today's modern world, in many societies, focusing on visual
qualities
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instead
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 of
qualifications
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 and experiences to hire one as an employee has become widely common.In
this
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 regard, I strongly disagree with
this
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 point for a number of reasons which will be discussed in the following paragraphs. One of the important reasons that
employers
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 should choose an individual for a
job
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 based on personal
qualifications
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 is that experienced
people
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 have self-esteem and confidence because they are educated
before
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apply
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.
In addition
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,
people
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 with
qualifications
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 and experienced communities are able to deal with difficulties in a
job
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.
Furthermore
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, when
employers
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 hire experienced workers,they do not need to spend their time
and
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apply
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energy or even money on training them.
Moreover
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,
employers
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 with
finding
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find
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experienced and qualified individuals are not at risk in their businesses.
For example
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, when teachers are hired in high school with some
experience
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, they can cope with some difficulties among boys and girls.
On the other hand
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, some
employers
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 prefer to focus on personal
qualities
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 to choosing
employers
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.They claim that Society needs to have young workers.They should be trained based on personal
qualities
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 and enter the
job
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 market.
Moreover
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, some
employers
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 prefer to not choose experienced
people
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 because their salaries are
more
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higher
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 than others.
For example
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, In my country , the salary for
people
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 without
experience
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 is one of a third of
people
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 with
experience
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.
Further
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, they believe that experienced
people
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 may be retired in the following years and their businesses would be stopped.
Thus
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, they prefer to find a person with personal
qualities
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 that are close to their jobs and train them to have a successful business. In conclusion, for a number of reasons mentioned above ,In my opinion,
people
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 with
experience
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 and
qualifications
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 would be better for hiring for every
job
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.
Submitted by saraseifi2016 on

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task response
The essay partially addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of personal qualifications and experience in hiring. However, it lacks a clear position on whether personal qualities should be favored over qualifications and experience.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, but there are some inconsistencies and lack of coherence between ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more focused and impactful.
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