Employer should focus on personal qualities over qualifications and experienced when choosing someone for a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

In today's modern world, in many societies, focusing on visual
qualities
instead
of
qualifications
and experiences to hire one as an employee has become widely common.In
this
regard, I strongly disagree with
this
point for a number of reasons which will be discussed in the following paragraphs. One of the important reasons that
employers
should choose an individual for a
job
based on personal
qualifications
is that experienced
people
have self-esteem and confidence because they are educated
before
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apply
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.
In addition
,
people
with
qualifications
and experienced communities are able to deal with difficulties in a
job
.
Furthermore
, when
employers
hire experienced workers,they do not need to spend their time
and
Correct word choice
apply
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energy or even money on training them.
Moreover
,
employers
with
finding
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
experienced and qualified individuals are not at risk in their businesses.
For example
, when teachers are hired in high school with some
experience
, they can cope with some difficulties among boys and girls.
On the other hand
, some
employers
prefer to focus on personal
qualities
to choosing
employers
.They claim that Society needs to have young workers.They should be trained based on personal
qualities
and enter the
job
market.
Moreover
, some
employers
prefer to not choose experienced
people
because their salaries are
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
than others.
For example
, In my country , the salary for
people
without
experience
is one of a third of
people
with
experience
.
Further
, they believe that experienced
people
may be retired in the following years and their businesses would be stopped.
Thus
, they prefer to find a person with personal
qualities
that are close to their jobs and train them to have a successful business. In conclusion, for a number of reasons mentioned above ,In my opinion,
people
with
experience
and
qualifications
would be better for hiring for every
job
.
Submitted by saraseifi2016 on

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task response
The essay partially addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of personal qualifications and experience in hiring. However, it lacks a clear position on whether personal qualities should be favored over qualifications and experience.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, but there are some inconsistencies and lack of coherence between ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more focused and impactful.
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