IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that government should be held responsible when problem of homelessness and unemployment arise. Do you agree or disagree?

Homelessness and unemployment are the main problems that many countries of the world are going through. There are many factors responsible for
this
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 situation
including
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, including
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 the
government
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. Many
people
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 believe that the
government
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 should be fully responsible for
this
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. I don’t agree with that
, the
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. The
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 reasons for the increase in unemployment and homelessness are numerous
and
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, and
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 it cannot be one reason alone
nor
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, nor
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 can the
government
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 alone be held responsible for
this
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 issue. I believe that those who bear part of the responsibility are the individuals, as they are responsible for their financial conditions. If
people
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 study and work hard in their lives, they will ensure that they earn income and have a good life for themselves and their families. We cannot sit and blame only the
government
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, but the
government
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 bears another aspect of that
,
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.
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 I think the
government
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 is responsible for providing the basic needs of citizens
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such
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, such
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 as jobs and reducing the unemployment rate. The
government
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 can do a lot of things to create enough jobs for all
people
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, help the homeless and make
people
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 aware of the importance of work
,
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.
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 n conclusion, in my opinion, it seems difficult to support the idea that governments should be held completely responsible for the job loss and homelessness of their citizens.
However
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, political authorities everywhere would be best to take measures that empower their
people
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 as much as possible should
such
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 challenges arise.

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task response
Make your position clear in the introduction and keep it throughout.
structure
Develop each idea in its own paragraph and add one simple example to back it up.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas are linked, like 'but','however','therefore','for example'.
grammar
Check spelling and punct, fix 'n conclusion' to 'In conclusion' and use capital letters correctly.
grammar
Mix sentence types, short and longer, to grow ease in reading.
lexical resource
Avoid repeating the same phrases; try to say things in new ways.
task response
Add clear examples or data to back claims about homelessness and unemployment.
achievement
Clear stance against the idea that government alone is to blame.
content
Essay tries to discuss both sides by noting individual responsibility and government action.
content
The writer mentions the government's role in jobs and basic needs.
organization
There is a simple intro, body, and conclusion structure.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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