IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum. To what extent do you agree?

#children #exercise #responsibility #parents #schools #waste #school #time #sports #lessons #part #curriculum
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Some people believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 regular physical
exercise
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 should be the responsibility of the parents because they exactly know the capability of their
children
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.
Also
Linking Words
, parents understood if their kids can do
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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certain
sports
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 or not.
Moreover
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, they say that physical
sports
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 cannot help their kids in the future as it is just a waste of time to spend in
school
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.
Instead
Linking Words
 of doing
exercise
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, they can replace
this
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 a more useful activity that can help their
children
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 to be smart.
Furtheremore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, removing
exericise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 in
school
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 will give more time to
other major subject
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another major subject
other major subjects
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 to be focused on since nowadays, big companies are looking for people who has more knowledge
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 academics.
However
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,
in
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from
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 my perspective, I believe that
exercise
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 is as important as other major subjects in
school
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. By doing so,
children
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 can
awake
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awaken
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 their
body
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bodies
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 before starting the class and that will help them to be more productive in
school
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, learning
sports
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 in
school
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 will help the kids to be socialized with other
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
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. They will
also
Linking Words
 learn how to accept whatever the result may lead to when doing
sports
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.
Children
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 will be able to be active
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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 and participate
with
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in
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 all other
activity
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activities
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.
In my
Change preposition
My
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 experience, when I was in
school
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, I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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learned a lot when our teacher told us to join in
volleyball
Add an article
the volleyball
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 team. She gave us some tips and tricks on how we can win the game and somehow, I was able to apply
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 in life. In my conclusion, physical
exercise
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 or
sports
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 must still be learned in
school
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 as it will develop the growth of
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured environment
  • inclination
  • teamwork
  • sportsmanship
  • cooperation
  • academic time
  • intellectual development
  • after-school activities
  • relegated
  • family bond
  • supervised
  • well-being
  • equipment
  • expertise
  • professional physical education teachers
  • safe and beneficial
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