IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People living in large cites today face many problems in their everyday life. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns?

#people #face #life #governments #move #towns
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Day
Use synonyms
 by
day
Use synonyms
, the population in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
large
cities
Use synonyms
 increase and the residents pay the cost of the
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
resulted
Add the preposition
inresulted
fromresulted
show examples
 vital issues like traffic congestion , air pollution and insufficient vital services. In my opinion, the government should effort to promote
people
Use synonyms
 leaving back to
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
. The problems associated with
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 population rate in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
large
cities
Use synonyms
are become
Change to the active voice
become
have become
show examples
 familiar to
general
Add an article
the general
show examples
 public, traffic congestion which is one of the urban difficulties that everyone suffered from it and lead to many
sub problems
Correct your spelling
subproblems
show examples
 that have health, economic and mental impact on folks` life,
for example
Linking Words
, traffic congestion is considered
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
one of the main reasons of air pollution that make the air condition very bad in the crowded
cities
Use synonyms
,
moreover
Linking Words
 ,wasting hundred hours every
day
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 peoples move to their destinations may
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
 stress and depression which can lower the individual productivity . The other problem which most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 face
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in the big
cities
Use synonyms
 is
leak
Add an article
a leak
the leak
show examples
 of vital services like health, education and transportation, to
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
illustrate, it is normal to say that
people
Use synonyms
 leave their rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
toward
Change preposition
for
show examples
 urban regions for better
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
, but the consequences appear in some services sections that are previously designed for limited performance ,
for instance
Linking Words
 , hospitals designed to receive a limited number of patient every
day
Use synonyms
 ,
however
Linking Words
 ,with
huge
Change the article
a huge
the huge
show examples
 number of patients a lot of
people
Use synonyms
are suffer
Change the verb form
are suffering
show examples
 from insufficient medical crew or leak of medicines. For these latter reasons, the government ought to allocate more attention toward
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 and find suitable solutions to encourage
people
Use synonyms
live
Add the particle
to live
show examples
 there
such
Linking Words
 as building new hospitals and universities or even
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
taxes on the rural residents. In conclusion, increasing population in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
large
cities
Use synonyms
 has significant consequences which probably not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be overcome if neglected , from my perspective , the government is the main
responsible
Correct pronoun usage
one responsible
show examples
 to put a stand
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue
Submitted by vet.lezan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: