The use of corporal punishment (physically hitting students) in schools is in decline, yet it should be used to improve behaviour. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The graph shows us
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
of
people
were
Correct pronoun usage
who were
show examples
born in
Australia
and who were born outside
Australia
living in urban, rural and
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
between 1995 and 2010.
First
Correct article usage
The first
show examples
chats
Fix the agreement mistake
chat
show examples
is about
people
, who were born in
Australia
. The Brown line reaches close to 50 per
cent
and means
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
a percentage
show examples
of
people
, who were born in
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
.
Then
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
drops to 20 per
cent
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the yellow range and describes a
persons
Correct the article-noun agreement
person
show examples
who were born in towns. Next is blue
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is about guys, who were born in rural areas. There is the second rage, as we can see he is a little different. It is about
people
who were born outside
Australia
. From cities
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
60 per
cent
of
people
, from towns
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
15 per
cent
and from rural areas
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
40 per
cent
. Let’s come to 2010 indicators. The first line shows 65
per
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cent
,
yellow
Correct article usage
the yellow
show examples
and blue lines are
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
and
reaches
Correct subject-verb agreement
reach
show examples
nearly
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15 %. Well, the “
People
born outside
Australia
in 2010” graph. As in the second range,
brown
Add an article
the brown
show examples
line goes to 60 %,
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
yellow is 10 and blue is 5 per
cent
.
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: