IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Public health is becoming an urgent issue nowadays some are you that government should create nutrition and food choice loss to improve Public Health while others believe that it is matter of personal choice and responsibility discuss both views and give you opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many recent
researches
Change the wording
types of research
pieces of research
kinds of research
show examples
 show that the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 suffering from noninfectious diseases
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes, high blood pressure, heart attacks and cancers has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased. The major culprit behind
this
Linking Words
 is unhealthy
diet
Use synonyms
 patterns of human beings, because of that it is believed by some
people
Use synonyms
 that
government
Use synonyms
 should impose laws on
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of nutritional
diet
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others
thing
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
 that it is a personal choice and
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 should take
care
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their own
food
Use synonyms
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will describe both sides and
finally
Linking Words
 give my opinion about it. On the one hand,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should take
care
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 its citizens by providing better health
care
Use synonyms
, but prevention is always better than curing
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
occurring
them
Change preposition
in them
show examples
. So it is important to maintain good
food
Use synonyms
 habits in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. As
this
Linking Words
 is a difficult and complicated process, the
government
Use synonyms
 should impose nutrition and
food
Use synonyms
 choice laws
such
Linking Words
 as banning foods which contain cancerous
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 additives like to know chicken soup cubes, limiting high calory restaurant
food
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as pizzas, burgers and beverages like Coca-Cola and Fanta by adding new taxes on them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should take
care
Use synonyms
 of their personal
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 because
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle always
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 huge benefits to them as they are free from suffering and can spend money on leisure activity or buying new goods which previously had to spend on medical bills. Consumption of
Correct article usage
a balance
show examples
balance
Correct your spelling
balanced
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 and
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
regular
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
 are the key factors of healthy life. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
individual should carefully select their
diet
Use synonyms
 and avoid junky foods and beverages as much as possible. Not only that
,
Add the word(s)
but,
show examples
they should
also
Linking Words
considered
Change the verb form
be considered
consider
show examples
 about ingredients of the foods which we choose to prepare in
homes
Correct pronoun usage
our homes
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 should not only think about
Add an article
the test
show examples
test
Fix the agreement mistake
tests
show examples
 but
Correct article usage
the nutrition
show examples
nutrition
Replace the word
nutritional
show examples
 value of
food
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
. In conclusion, both
Government
Use synonyms
 and individuals have responsibilities in public health, but
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 has numerous responsibilities
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other than
food
Use synonyms
 safety, in my opinion, I believe
people
Use synonyms
 should take
care
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their own
food
Use synonyms
 consumption and stay healthy.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: