IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school-leavers in most countries’ How far do you agree with this assessment? What other challenges face young people today?

#unemployment #challenge #school-leavers #countries’ #challenges #face #people
In recent decades, youth unemployment has become the most challenging aspect in many nations around the world. In my perspective, I partly agree with
this
 view since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prejudice
of
Change preposition
against
show examples
school-leavers
Correct your spelling
school leavers
show examples
 still exists;
however
, there are other factors which affect
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
 status of young
people
 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Firstly
, the stereotype
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 they are not socially responsible
people
 exacerbates the failure of getting job opportunities because of a lack of a certificate from school curriculums.
In addition
, it is significantly prevalent in the global society, regarding
school-leavers
Correct your spelling
school leavers
show examples
 as problematic individuals.
Nonetheless
, I somehow argue that the circumstance is comparatively possible to overcome by self-development through
self-study
Correct article usage
a self-study
show examples
 scheme.
For example
, celebrities
such
 as dancers or singers were able to be educated by a private instructor, not school teachers.
Thus
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social prejudice affects their unemployment status, but, it can be possibly overcome as long as they desire.
Secondly
, it is true that young
people
 encounter several social problems, leading to early resignation in most countries.
The school
Correct article usage
School
show examples
 systems which are too much leaning on fundamental subjects cause youths to lose sustainability in workplaces. As they are certainly short of social abilities
such
 as communication skills, and the ability to adapt
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 hierarchy,
this
 phenomenon of employment results in
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
 resignation of the youths. Another reason is that
due to
 a shortage of infrastructure
such
 as vocational institutions, the shortage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opportunities to learn actual work performance lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant number of young job seekers.
Therefore
, the intervention of governments to support young
people
's social issues is required to improve the situation. In conclusion, to solve the problems,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and young
people
 need to make an effort to resolve the prejudice and to improve themselves. Somehow,
governments
Change the noun form
government
show examples
 assistance is necessary to provide vocational programs.
Submitted by mix5777 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: