IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Games are as important for adults as they are for children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

I agree with the assertion, pastime activities are a necessity for the older generation as they are for offspring. The subsequent paragraphs highlight grounds on which it can be reinforced. First of all, participating in entertainment pursuits relieves stress accumulated over time from work, family and community.
Also
Linking Words
, it serves as a source of exercise
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 promotes proper circulation
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 reduces the risk of cardiovascular disease.
For example
Linking Words
, research conducted on a group of older adults aged 50-65 years revealed
3/4
Correct word choice
that 3/4
show examples
 of the population who engaged in amusing events had their risk for heart conditions reduced to approximately 15% and
this
Linking Words
I
Punctuation problem
, I
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think
Punctuation problem
think,
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 is a positive outcome.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the ageing process has been known to slow down when an individual
laugh
Correct subject-verb agreement
laughs
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 and smiles often
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is consistent with diversional therapy. Based on findings from a survey undertaken by research students of the
university
Fix capitalization
University
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 of Ghana, it was concluded that laughing is good for the soul, mind and body.
This
Linking Words
 was arrived at because most people who laughed had a more positive outlook on life. Grown-ups must endeavour to laugh at least 17 times a
day
Punctuation problem
day,
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whiles
Replace the word
while
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 scions laugh 300 times. A quote by
charlie
Fix capitalization
Charlie
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 Chaplin
Punctuation problem
,
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"
a
Fix capitalization
A
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 day without laughter is a day wasted, we think too much and feel too little". In conclusion, I believe mature people should equally partake in entertainment ventures
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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this
Linking Words
 will
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long
term
Punctuation problem
term,
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 boost their
overall
Linking Words
 health as it would do for the younger generation. Games are as important for adults as they are for children.

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planning
Make a clear plan before you write. Start with a short intro, then two to three body parts, and a short end. Each part should talk on one idea.
grammar
Use simple and short sentences. Break long lines into two. This helps the reader and shows good control.
coherence
Link ideas with small words like also, but, and, so, therefore. This shows good flow between sentences.
support
Give clear examples that fit the idea. Check that numbers and facts are easy to read and correct.
editing
Check spelling and grammar. Read aloud to catch mistakes.
content
Clear stance and direct answer.
organization
Good use of topic sentences and signposts like First of all, Moreover, In conclusion.
support
Some specific figures or ideas are given to back points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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