IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People are becoming famous with the help of TV programme and the internet.  Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

#people #help #tv #programme #internet
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The phenomenon of
people
Use synonyms
 using new technologies
such
Linking Words
 as TV and
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
 media to get famous has aroused wide concern among various circles.
While
Linking Words
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the technological product brings obvious benefits to the
people
Use synonyms
 who want to spread his name to the world, it is
also
Linking Words
 true to say it may bring disadvantages as well. Regarding the benefits, probably the most significant one is that
people
Use synonyms
 get more opportunities to appear themself. To illustrate, television, computer and mobile phone becomes a part of
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
Replace the word
living
show examples
 in these days.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they are commonly used as
advertising
Add an article
an advertising
show examples
tool
Fix the agreement mistake
tools
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
get famous easier than before if they have talent in some ways and use those tools properly. Youtuber is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
concrete evidence of proofing how easy for
people
Use synonyms
 to get famous. Despite the aforementioned benefit, those technologies
also
Linking Words
 have some drawbacks for those
people
Use synonyms
. Of all the disadvantages, probably the first pop-up in my mind is that the bad news spread quickly.
For instance
Linking Words
, as an idol in a world that
full
Add a missing verb
is full
show examples
 of mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
. Your movements are being
watch
Change the form of the verb
watched
show examples
 by the public. Most of your life will be uploaded to the internet by others.
Hence
Linking Words
, if your personal behaviours are not good enough for everyone
such
Linking Words
 as smoking, you can
assumes
Change the verb form
assume
show examples
 that everyone would know that within a day, even
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
 is just a
rumor
Change the spelling
rumour
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 you may think that you can claim that it is fake news through the
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
 media, the damagers
already done
Add the auxiliary verb
did
are already done
have already done
were already done
show examples
meight
Correct your spelling
might
 not able to remove
completely
Correct pronoun usage
it completely
show examples
. Under
this
Linking Words
 line of thinking, using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new technologies to get more popular
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 both its advantages and disadvantages.
Submitted by frankyimp on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: