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Band 5

Some people say that outdoor activities benefit children's development rather than computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #activities #benefit #children #development #computer #games
Children
 are the bright future of every nation. One group of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people claim that outside
games
 could be useful for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
show examples
 development
instead
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online
games
. I fully agree with the given notion and I will elaborate my ideas with suitable examples and
conclusion
Correct article usage
a conclusion
show examples
.
To begin
 with, outside activities play an important role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
's life because if kids will prefer to play outside
then
 they can develop their interpersonal and mental skills
due to
this
 fact,
children
 will learn how to behave in groups
while
 doing any work.
Furthermore
, outside tasks can be helpful for the kids to maintain their body functions properly
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing outside
games
,
children
 can do a lot of exercises and they can control their obesity and weight issues as
,
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 it helps to become
children
's physically strong.
By contrast
, computer
games
 could increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity and other health issues because
children
 will sit
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one location for long hours.
Moreover
,
children
 can become
extrovert
Fix the agreement mistake
extroverts
show examples
 person
while
 playing outside, they can make more and more friends owing to
this
, they can enhance their friendship skills.
In addition
 to it, if
children
 will play outside, they will stick to healthy
games
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 basketball, football and hockey
then
 they will be excited to participate in
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
games
 and they can win
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prizes from national or international tournaments.
Also
, infants can get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vitamin D from
sun
Add an article
the sun
show examples
 when they play outside because vitamin D is very essential for
children
's health. In conclusion, It seems to me that
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
 benefits of playground activities are more important than computer
games
.
Children
 should involve in outside
games
 so they can develop their physical and mental health.
Submitted by sekhogghk on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • benefit
  • development
  • physical
  • promote
  • foster
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • abilities
  • well-being
  • hinder
  • isolation
  • interpersonal skills
  • sedentary
  • exposure
  • negatively affect
  • academic performance
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