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Band 5.5

Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#children #job #society #mothers #fathers #course #parents
In today's evolving life, parenting can be one of the most important aspects of our society. I partially agree that parenting can be helpful, but it doesn't guarantee successful parenting.
Also
, it shouldn't be by force. On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why a course may be important to
parents
.
First,
many
parents
 are young and inexperienced. They may need to take lessons to properly raise their
children
.
Secondly
, fathers and mothers are so busy that they hardly have time for their
children
. By learning how to manage their time and maximize their time with their
children
, they can raise their
children
 properly.
For example
, the oldest child in a family may be more sensitive than the
last
 child. Taking parenting courses can help
parents
 learn how to handle these situations.
On the other hand
, I don't think parenting classes are the best way to parent properly and it's should be optional.
Parents
 generally have the right to educate their
children
 in the way they think is best for them and should decide whether they want to attend
such
 classes.
In addition
, involving
parents
 in these training courses does not ensure that the
children
 turn out to be the best behaved.
For example
, in Western countries, there are many parenting ideas and ideals used by
parents
.
However
,
this
 does not predict
who's
Unnecessary verb
who
show examples
their
children
 will become in the future In conclusion, I believe there is some value in teaching
parents
 how to properly teach their
children
.
However
, it shouldn’t be mandatory and it doesn’t mean who the child will be.
Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a view with partial agreement but could use a more established structure to clearly outline and explore the arguments. Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and follows with supporting details or examples. Transition words should be used more effectively to connect ideas.
task achievement
While the response to the task is generally appropriate, the essay would benefit from a clearer position throughout the response. Ensure that your opinion is consistent and woven throughout your essay, especially in the conclusion.
lexical resource
The range of vocabulary is somewhat limited and could be improved by using a greater variety of words and expressions, especially those pertinent to the topic of parenting and education.
grammatical range accuracy
The grammatical range is adequate, but there are issues with sentence structure and punctuation. Focus on varying your sentence types and use punctuation accurately to avoid run-on sentences. Proofread for errors in verb tense and agreement.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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