Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Most parents in the world want to keep their children in their household as long as possible. Personally, I believe that moving out as early as possible in order to achieve
independence
Use synonyms
is better. There are several reasons why I feel
this
Linking Words
way, which I will explore in the following essay.
To begin
Linking Words
with, living by yourself means that you are responsible for your own
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
experience causes the
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
of growing up, which leads ultimately to
independence
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
desirable in my opinion
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because you can do things without asking for permission. My personal experience is a compelling example of
this
Linking Words
. Just when I turned 18, I had the
privelage
Correct your spelling
privilege
to move out straight away. Of course, I was not in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
position where taking care of my own
life
Use synonyms
was an easy thing to do. But because I was forced to
mange
Correct your spelling
manage
show examples
my own household and
responsabilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
, I developed
independence
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
achieved
independence
Use synonyms
is highly
desireable
Correct your spelling
desirable
in my opinion
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because now you are one step closer to
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
an adult.
Moreover
Linking Words
, once you gained
independence
Use synonyms
, the quality of
life
Use synonyms
becomes so much higher. Of course,
space
Correct article usage
the space
show examples
of living and the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
of groceries in the fridge drop drastically. But
this
Linking Words
sacrifice is nothing compared to the freedom you receive
as a result
Linking Words
. You can do whatever you like, whenever you like and
this
Linking Words
is something that no one wants to give back.
This
Linking Words
is a
phenomenom
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
I realised on a family vacation, which took place one year after I moved out. Since
then
Linking Words
I value
independence
Use synonyms
very
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
. As soon as you spend time with your parents, there are
constantly
Change the adverb
constant
show examples
debates about everything. Simple decisions that you normally just make, are
dicussed
Correct your spelling
discussed
for twenty minutes. I enjoyed the vacation a lot but after two weeks I was glad to be home again, just by myself. In
conlcusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, I strongly feel that
independence
Use synonyms
is something you should seek as early as possible.
This
Linking Words
is because you become an adult quicker and the quality of
life
Use synonyms
improves dramatically.
Submitted by Anonym on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: