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Writing Samples
Band 5

The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2070 it is estimated that over a third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?

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In recent years, the birth rate in most developed
countries
 is predicted
to begin
 to fall over the next 50 years. By 2070 it is estimated that over a third of the population in most developed
countries
 will be aged 65 and over.
To begin
 with, there isn’t any specific regulation to maintain the productive generation in most developed
countries
 in the world.
Therefore
, some communities believe it is normal if there is
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 couple to choose a
child free
Add a hyphen
child-free
show examples
 nowadays.
In addition
, people often focus on what they really need, which is money and free time for them,
instead
 of having their scion in the future.
However
, some actions could be taken to prevent the issue
due to
 the lack of
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a productive generation in the nation itself that may
consequently
pressures
Change the verb form
pressure
show examples
 economic, political and social aspects.
For example
, the government grants some funds to support married couples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
having offspring
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and free them
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the additional taxes that may occur in the future.
Also
, the nation can re-consider the military program, since many people in the productive generation consume a lot of time by joining
this
 program.
This
 program could be written in the government regulation,
thus
 it has a strict standard for all citizens who reside in it.
Moreover
, some societies
also
 believe that sharing the consequences for all people is
also
 important,
therefore
 they will understand the risk that they will face in the future. In conclusion, the next fifty years will be challenging for all
countries
, especially developed
countries
 in the world.
However
, there are some actions the government should take to prevent the issue.
Submitted by adimk02 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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