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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the word. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons relevant

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the word. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons relevant
#show #percentage #water #purposes #six #areas #word #summarise #information #feature #comparisons
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The pie chart compares data in
percentage
Use synonyms
 about westing
water
Use synonyms
 in three factors including Industrial , agricultural and domestic uses in six different parts of the world. We can see that the highest spending
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 is for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Agricultural
use
Use synonyms
 in
Africa
Use synonyms
, Central and South East
Asia
Use synonyms
 ,
South
Correct word choice
and South
show examples
America
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, Industrial
use
Use synonyms
 plays most of the
water
Use synonyms
 consumption in North
America
Use synonyms
 and Europe. Industrial
use
Use synonyms
 of
water
Use synonyms
 plays just over a half
consumption
Change preposition
of consumption
show examples
 , 52 %, in Europe and just under a half, 48%,in North
Africa
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is the minority factor of used
water
Use synonyms
 in
Africa
Use synonyms
, 7%, and
Central
Change preposition
in Central
show examples
Asia
Use synonyms
, only 5%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, agricultural
use
Use synonyms
 has a very large majority in three parts of the world at once. In
Africa
Use synonyms
 , Central and South
Asia
Use synonyms
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of consumption deference from 81% to 88%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in South
Use synonyms
America
Add a comma
,America
show examples
this
Linking Words
 type of
use
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 has a
significantly
Change the adverb
significant
show examples
 proportion.
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 is 71 %.
Linking Words
Last
Correct article usage
The last
show examples
 way of using
water
Use synonyms
 is
Domestic
Change the word
Domestically
show examples
. It has the smallest value among
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 factors. Central and South
Asia
Use synonyms
 have the smallest percentages in
this
Linking Words
 group, both of them are 7 %.
Moreover
Linking Words
, South
America
Use synonyms
 has the biggest amount of
percentage
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the domestic
use
Use synonyms
 of
water
Use synonyms
 factor, it is 19%.
Submitted by akimelena1969 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, water, use, africa, asia, america with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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