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Band 4.5

The plans below show the layout of a public park in 1990 and in 2020.

#plans #show #layout #park
The plan illustrates changes which happened in a public park in the gap between 1990 and 2020
Overall
,there are plenty of buildings which appeared in 2020.In the first ,plan there were basic places which
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 be located in the park.
However
, with the development of modern technologies,the park in 2020 notably changed by new additions.
Firstly
,in 1990 the entrance was among a phone booth and shops.In front of it was a Buddha statue which was in the centre.The West side had a playground for outsprings.Above it was a Krishna temple, located in the corner.The neighbour of it was a flower garden which took a huge place.In the East corner was a toilet.
On the other hand
,opposite to it was located a Koi pond.
Secondly
,that can be seen easily that the entrance changed his location.In 2020 it was on the East side.At that time its neighbours were a Koi pond,which didn't change his place and a new museum which replaced a toilet.Next to the museum was a stage for programs which was
also
 a new structure.
However
,
besides
this
 was a previous garden,but smaller.Other buildings on the West side didn't change, except for a toilet which moved to the West South corner.In front of it appeared a new building,which is a cafe.Next to it is
also
 a new shop.The Buddha statue stayed in the same spot.
Submitted by andriykolomiyets12 on

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task response
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more developed to provide a clearer overview of the changes in the park.
coherence and cohesion
The essay contains a mix of present and past tense which affects the logical structure of the sentences. The use of transition words and a clearer organization of ideas is needed to improve coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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