the pie chart below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in new zealand in 2003 and 2013 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.

#show #sales #sectors #zealand #summarise #information #features #comparisons #relevent

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the purchasing through internet from

retail

Add an article

the retail

show examples

sector in new zealand in 2003 and 2013 is depicted by the pie chart it is vividly seen from the data that

sales

of films/music

improvewd

Correct your spelling

improved

significantly in

year

Change the article

the year

show examples

2013 by a total of 33%. it was on

third

Change the article

the third

show examples

number

Change preposition

show examples

spending

Correct article usage

the spending

show examples

list in 2003 with a proportion of 21%. expenditure on clothes in online shopping declined drastically with a margin of 8%, it was 24% in 2003 and it was 16% in 2013. marching ahead, the online sale of books in 2003

waas

Correct your spelling

was

19%

however

in 2013 the sale increased by 22%

Change preposition

apply

show examples

2013 moving

towars

Correct your spelling

towards

toward

the rest of the information.

sales

trevel

Correct your spelling

travel

through online mode was 36% in the year 2003. it was the largest sector based

upon

Change preposition

show examples

expenditure in 2003. in 2013 it reduced by numbers and secured

third

Change the article

the third

show examples

position in

list

Add an article

the list

show examples

purchasing

Replace the word

purchases

show examples

via online mode. it was 29% in 2013. it dropped by a total of 7 as

compare

Change the form of the verb

compared

show examples

to its 2003 data where it was 36%

overall

, it can be seen that travel was

Change preposition

show examples

first place in 2003 in online

sales

however

film/music was on top in online

sales

in 2013.

Submitted by vikas.rundla30 on Sun Mar 26 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".

▼

Introduction: The introduction is missing.

▼

Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

▼

Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words sales with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

▼

2
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

195 words

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the pie chart below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in new zealand in 2003 and 2013 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.

In the past, most working people had only one job. However, nowadays, more and more people have more than one job at the same time. What are the reasons for this development? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more than one job?

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.