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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #activities #children’s #development #computer #games
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there is a current debate surrounding whether partaking in outdoor
activities
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 is more advantageous for
children
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 than playing digital
games
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. personally, I hold the belief that open-air
activities
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 are totally beneficial for
children
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's development
while
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 playing
games
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 has a detrimental impact on them. on the one hand, those who advocate the tendency of
children
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in participating
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to participate
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 in outside
activities
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 may point out its benefits for their mental and physical health.
firstly
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, youngsters have a chance to immerse themselves in nature and get involved in many fun experiences, which can help them to release the stress and pressure in their daily lives.
consequently
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,
children
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 are likely to have an optimistic view towards their lives
due to
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 these valuable
activities
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.
furthermore
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, youngsters' physical prowess can be improved significantly when they spend more time taking part in sports
activities
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. only in that way, can they strengthen their muscles and burn a huge number of calories that assist them to maintain their well-being.
on the other hand
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, certain negative impacts of playing
games
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 need to be taken into consideration. it is true that after long-term exposure,
children
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 can be easily addicted to online
games
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.
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as
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As
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 a result, they can not focus on anything, which is likely to result in lower productivity in studying.
moreover
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, serious diseases can be caused because of the involvement in computer
games
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 that may be irreversible.
for example
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, in
viet nam
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Vietnam
, the number of obese
children
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 has significantly increased since 2019 thanks to the availability of digital
games
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. in conclusion, I strongly believe that outdoor
activities
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 are much better than computer
games
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due to
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 their potential advantages.
therefore
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, it is advisable for parents and teachers to encourage
children
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 to take part in more open-air
activities
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 that are positive for both their mental and physical prowess.
Submitted by bobong120906 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction presents a clear thesis statement and the conclusion summarizes the main points effectively.
task achievement
Fully address all aspects of the task, providing clear ideas and relevant examples to support the viewpoint.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical development
  • Overall health
  • Coordination
  • Foster
  • Social skills
  • Teamwork
  • Mental well-being
  • Creativity
  • Exploration
  • Strategic thinking
  • Problem-solving
  • Hand-eye coordination
  • Sedentary lifestyles
  • Social isolation
  • Moderation
  • Balanced approach
  • Detract
  • Obesity
  • Poor posture
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