IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity
A glance at the bar chart provided reveals
how
Correct word choice
that
show examples
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
a percentage
show examples
 of Australian
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
show examples
 had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
routine physical exercise in 2010.One of the interesting
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
that is
 highlighted by the figure is that the number of
female
Change to a plural noun
females
show examples
 who did typical
activities
 in all year groups, except
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 group
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 bigger than male.
According to
 the bar chart the biggest group that had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
routin
Correct your spelling
routine
activities
 was related to men who were between 15 and 24 with 52.8% and men
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the age of 35 to 45 had a less
tendancy
Correct your spelling
tendency
 to
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 routine
activities
 with 39.5% in
this
 year.
On the other hand
,women who were between 45-54 and 55-64 were interested in doing regular
activities
 with 53.3% and 53 % respectively. As it is clear,the percentage of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 with 65 years and over had
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
striking similarities in their trends with 47.1% in
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and 46.7% in men.
Submitted by marzieh.kiani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words activities with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
What to do next:
Look at other essays: