IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
A glance at the bar chart provided reveals
how
Correct word choice
that
show examples
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
a percentage
show examples
 of Australian
in
Change preposition
of
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 both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders
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 had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
routine physical exercise in 2010.One of the interesting
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 highlighted by the figure is that the number of
female
Change to a plural noun
females
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 who did typical
activities
Use synonyms
 in all year groups, except
on
Correct your spelling
one
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 group
were
Change the verb form
was
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 bigger than male.
According to
Linking Words
 the bar chart the biggest group that had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
routin
Correct your spelling
routine
activities
Use synonyms
 was related to men who were between 15 and 24 with 52.8% and men
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the age of 35 to 45 had a less
tendancy
Correct your spelling
tendency
 to
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 routine
activities
Use synonyms
 with 39.5% in
this
Linking Words
 year.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,women who were between 45-54 and 55-64 were interested in doing regular
activities
Use synonyms
 with 53.3% and 53 % respectively. As it is clear,the percentage of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 with 65 years and over had
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
striking similarities in their trends with 47.1% in
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and 46.7% in men.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words activities with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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