Some people say that planned free-time activities should be supported with parents, othets say that children should occupy themselves on their own. Discuss the different perspectives and give your opinion.

Some individuals believe that taking a part in organized group
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
in their spare time should be encouraged,
however
, others believe that it is crucial for
children
to understand occupying themselves on their own. From my point of view,
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
should
be participated
Change to the active voice
participate
have participated
show examples
in planned activities in their free time.
This
action is beneficial to their mental health and communication
skills
. First and foremost, participation in
a different activities
Correct the article-noun agreement
different activities
a different activity
show examples
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
the brain plasticity of juveniles.
Moreover
, their cognitive behaviours are developed progressively,
hence
,
this
phenomenia
Correct your spelling
phenomena
phenomenon
has a positive impact on their mental health.
For instance
, there is a
kids
Change noun form
kid's
kids'
show examples
show called "MasterChef
Juniour
Correct your spelling
Junior
" ,which is containing different
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
from variable age groups,
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
providing a good opportunity to
representing
Wrong verb form
represent
show examples
their
skills
.
Moreover
, these all kids developt their mental health with cooking. They clearly explain that cooking is an example of a therapy.
Therefore
, it can improve their cognitive
skills
. and their
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, without their families'
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
,
this
relaxative activity can not be affordable to their offspring.
On the other hand
, many people
considering
Wrong verb form
consider
show examples
their
children
have to learn how to keep busy themselves on their
owns
Replace the word
own
show examples
.
These
Correct determiner usage
This
show examples
group of parents refuse to provide enough chances to their kids.
In addition
, they negatively affect their communication
skills
. Without
a planned events
Correct the article-noun agreement
planned events
a planned event
show examples
,
children
have no chance to talk with their ages easily.
Moreover
, these events can be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ice-breakers among
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
generation.I believe, people
parents
Correct word choice
and parents
show examples
ought to organise scheduled events for their
children
. In conclusion,
children
should spend their
free-time
Correct your spelling
free time
show examples
to
planned
Replace the word
planning
show examples
activities,which
scheduled
Add a missing verb
are scheduled
show examples
with their parents, rather than
occupy
Wrong verb form
occupying
show examples
themselves on their own. It would be a chance for developing communication
skills
and mental
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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