Some individuals believe that taking a part in organized group
in their spare time should be encouraged,
however
, others believe that it is crucial for
children
to understand occupying themselves on their own. From my point of view,
offspringsFix the agreement mistake
show examples
should
be participatedChange to the active voice
participate
have participated
show examples
in planned activities in their free time.
This
action is beneficial to their mental health and communication
skills
.
First and foremost, participation in
a different activitiesCorrect the article-noun agreement
different activities
a different activity
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improveChange the verb form
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the brain plasticity of juveniles.
Moreover
, their cognitive behaviours are developed progressively,
hence
,
this
has a positive impact on their mental health.
For instance
, there is a
kidsChange noun form
show examples
show called "MasterChef
" ,which is containing different
childs Correct your spelling
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from variable age groups,
is Unnecessary verb
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providing a good opportunity to
representingWrong verb form
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their
skills
.
Moreover
, these all kids developt their mental health with cooking. They clearly explain that cooking is an example of a therapy.
Therefore
, it can improve their cognitive
skills
. and their
wellbeingCorrect your spelling
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, without their families'
supportsFix the agreement mistake
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,
this
relaxative activity can not be affordable to their offspring.
On the other hand
, many people
consideringWrong verb form
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their
children
have to learn how to keep busy themselves on their
ownsReplace the word
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.
TheseCorrect determiner usage
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group of parents refuse to provide enough chances to their kids.
In addition
, they negatively affect their communication
skills
. Without
a planned eventsCorrect the article-noun agreement
planned events
a planned event
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,
children
have no chance to talk with their ages easily.
Moreover
, these events can be considered
as Change preposition
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ice-breakers among
youngAdd an article
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generation.I believe, people
parentsCorrect word choice
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ought to organise scheduled events for their
children
.
In conclusion,
children
should spend their
free-timeCorrect your spelling
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to
plannedReplace the word
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activities,which
scheduledAdd a missing verb
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with their parents, rather than
occupyWrong verb form
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themselves on their own. It would be a chance for developing communication
skills
and mental
wellbeingCorrect your spelling
show examples
.