If we want to save the future of the planet, we will have to dramatically change our way of life. What is your opinion?

Nowadays, our
planet
needs our help. So, we must change our lifestyle. In
this
essay, I will explain how we change our lifestyle. Let's commence by looking at the first course and its solution. I think it is factories and personal car's polluted
air
.
Hence
,
this
polluted
air
is too harmful to our
planet
and the atmosphere. If we
will
Verb problem
do
show examples
not prevent it on time our earth can die, and polluted
air
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to the earthʼs Azan layer breaking. Its solution is we must restrict our personal cars and
factoryʼs'
Change noun form
factoryʼs
show examples
numbers. It can lead to helping our earth.
This
method is very effective.
Hence
, our world-developed countries use
this
method, and their natural resource and the
air
is like a new, and too fresh Let's start by looking at the second reason and its solution. I think it is we must restrict visits to other planets and we must protect our natural resources.
Hence
, our natural wealth organises for our
planet
. If we protect our natural wealth, our
planet
will never die. Nowadays plenty of developed countries
uses
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
show examples
rackets and space ship for going for research from space. These rackets and space
areships
Correct your spelling
airships
ships
useful
Add a missing verb
are useful
show examples
for people.
However
, those things are harmful to our
planet
. Nowadays our
planet
needs
peopleʼs
Change noun form
people's
show examples
help.
To sum up
, if we would love to protect our
planet
, we must restrict personal cars and factoryʼs numbers.
Although
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
demands that things, our earth will not die. In my view, now we live in
this
place and we are responsible for our
planet
.
Submitted by abrorjon_1995 on

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coherence cohesion
It is essential to include an introduction and conclusion in the essay to provide a clear framework for the discussion and to summarize the main points.
task response
The essay addresses the task prompt but lacks detail and development in the discussion. It would benefit from providing more specific examples and elaborating on the ideas further.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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