IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Men are placed in the most high-level jobs. some people say that the government should encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women do you agree or disagree?

#men #jobs #people #government #percentage #women
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In recent years, it is common for every man
does
Wrong verb form
to do
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 the most of high-level
jobs
Use synonyms
. It is believed that certain head positions in some companies
required
Wrong verb form
require
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 the male gender,
otherwise
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 of giving opportunities to
women
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I do not agree with
this
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 opinion, I believe
women
Use synonyms
 should be given the same opportunities to have equal responsibility.
This
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 essay will explain both perspectives of views. On one hand, some people think there are specific
jobs
Use synonyms
 that may not be suitable for a high-level career woman. They think that
women
Use synonyms
 are not physically and mentally strong enough to carry out stressful tasks.
For example
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, high-level administrative
jobs
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 in the
government
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 or private sector involve a lot of stress.
Moreover
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, withholding some
jobs
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 will create gender discrimination in opportunities. Some people who are
best
Correct your spelling
most
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 suitable for the job have to be rejected
due to
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such
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 reservations
Furthermore
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, the
government
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 as the regulator can be the third party to issue some regulations,
For
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instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 issuing flexible working hours rules for some career
women
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 who work in some companies in the state, or giving them the opportunity
for working
Change preposition
to work
show examples
 from home to maintain relationships with their kids or family. By issuing
this
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 regulation, it will encourage them, there is a gateway for
women
Use synonyms
 to build their careers and become role models in society. The
government
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 should
also
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 introduce new policies to save
women
Use synonyms
 from discrimination and allocate funds to provide higher education and employment. In conclusion, I believe not only men can do mostly specific
jobs
Use synonyms
 at a high level, but
also
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women
Use synonyms
 can be the party which contributes to
this
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 responsibility.
However
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, the
government
Use synonyms
 should be the party to create the environment for both parties.
Submitted by adimk02 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs are well-structured and follow a logical order. Use topic sentences to guide the reader through the essay.
coherence cohesion
Provide a more thorough introduction that clearly states the position being taken on the issue, and ensure a strong conclusion that summarizes the main points and reinforces the position.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address the prompt, supporting the response with clear and relevant examples. Ensure that the ideas are comprehensive and relevant to the topic.
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