IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #household #expenditures #japan #malaysia #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie chart
depict
Change the verb form
depicts
show examples
 the normal
household
Use synonyms
 spending
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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in
Japan
Use synonyms
 in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 in the year 2010
Overall
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Japan
Change noun form
Japan's
show examples
 chart clearly shows that
have
Correct your spelling
half
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 of their total
house
Replace the word
housing
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 expenditures were made by housing and other goods and services
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 the highest proportion is housing
Use synonyms
Malaysia
Change noun form
Malaysia's
show examples
 slowest percentages of
household
Use synonyms
 spending our healthcare and transport with 30% and 10% respectively
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 these ratios exactly double 6% for housing and 20% for transport
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
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 the remaining three types
healthcare
Change preposition
of healthcare
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 and food and other goods and services were approximately the same in each country except for healthcare it took
the
Correct article usage
apply
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first place in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 for spendings
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 34%
however
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 percentage drops by 13% in
Japan
Use synonyms
 achieving 21% of total
household
Use synonyms
 expenses
also
Linking Words
 taken the third place.
To sum up
Linking Words
 we could say that relevantly three types of
household
Use synonyms
 expenditure were relatively same in both countries which are food and other goods and services and housing
Submitted by samiahammadi77 on

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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words household, japan, malaysia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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