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Writing Samples
Band 6

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years.Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

#percentage #children #society #ten #years #effects #trend
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Looking at the main features, which is concerning overweight children in the
last
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 20 years, it's evident the way in which two different views make space between them, giving the opportunity to think and admit a personal idea, after having made a comparison and clear sentence, taking into consideration the causes that lead to the events.
To begin
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 with, the first view which is related to the increase of 20% in the overweight, many reasons may explain why in the
last
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 20 years, some situations haven't changed for lots of children. One clear example could be especially the growth of the internet, which has changed lots of aspects of daily life in general, and
due to
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this
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, young generations start preferring to stay at home by spending their leisure time watching
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 or playing video games, with a company of food near them. Following with the second view, which should be the opposite of the other one, the main factor of
this
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 paragraph in fact is the comparison of how the other hand, in the
last
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 20 years, 80% of kids have been able to maintain a healthy weight.
For instance
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, a good and healthy alimentation can be helpful,
such
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 as a daily routine can help them to do several activities, making sure to burn calories in one way or another. In my view, every single situation has the proper motivation and causes for why the thing happens,
therefore
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, I suppose that it's important to analyse and make a comparison where it's relevant, observing family circumstances and the rest of the vary wide factors, that have influenced the lives of young guys. To end up with, what has been already discussed, is dominant to highlight the carrying of every single child, understanding the reason for particular factors, but always with extreme prudence.
Submitted by veronicalindiner1998 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates some level of coherence and cohesion, with a logical structure and clear introduction and conclusion. However, the essay lacks more in-depth analysis and development of ideas. Ideas should be supported with more specific examples and evidence to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The response adequately addresses the task but lacks depth and thorough exploration of causes and effects. The essay should provide more comprehensive ideas and analyze the causes and effects of the trend in greater detail. Additionally, relevant specific examples and evidence are needed to support the points made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • obesity
  • caloric intake
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • physical education
  • nutritious
  • psychological well-being
  • self-esteem
  • socioeconomic
  • healthcare system
  • life expectancy
  • obesity-related complications
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