The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years.Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

Looking at the main features, which is concerning overweight children in the
last
20 years, it's evident the way in which two different views make space between them, giving the opportunity to think and admit a personal idea, after having made a comparison and clear sentence, taking into consideration the causes that lead to the events.
To begin
with, the first view which is related to the increase of 20% in the overweight, many reasons may explain why in the
last
20 years, some situations haven't changed for lots of children. One clear example could be especially the growth of the internet, which has changed lots of aspects of daily life in general, and
due to
this
, young generations start preferring to stay at home by spending their leisure time watching
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
or playing video games, with a company of food near them. Following with the second view, which should be the opposite of the other one, the main factor of
this
paragraph in fact is the comparison of how the other hand, in the
last
20 years, 80% of kids have been able to maintain a healthy weight.
For instance
, a good and healthy alimentation can be helpful,
such
as a daily routine can help them to do several activities, making sure to burn calories in one way or another. In my view, every single situation has the proper motivation and causes for why the thing happens,
therefore
, I suppose that it's important to analyse and make a comparison where it's relevant, observing family circumstances and the rest of the vary wide factors, that have influenced the lives of young guys. To end up with, what has been already discussed, is dominant to highlight the carrying of every single child, understanding the reason for particular factors, but always with extreme prudence.
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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates some level of coherence and cohesion, with a logical structure and clear introduction and conclusion. However, the essay lacks more in-depth analysis and development of ideas. Ideas should be supported with more specific examples and evidence to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
The response adequately addresses the task but lacks depth and thorough exploration of causes and effects. The essay should provide more comprehensive ideas and analyze the causes and effects of the trend in greater detail. Additionally, relevant specific examples and evidence are needed to support the points made.

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 1 - Summary
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • obesity
  • caloric intake
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • physical education
  • nutritious
  • psychological well-being
  • self-esteem
  • socioeconomic
  • healthcare system
  • life expectancy
  • obesity-related complications
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