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Writing Samples
Band 4

The line chart shows trends in terms of employment in the USA in millions and predictions for the future.

The line chart shows trends in terms of employment in the USA in millions and predictions for the future.
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This
Linking Words
 line chart demonstrates the
employment
Use synonyms
 trends in the USA presented through a
million
Use synonyms
 figure.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
trend
Use synonyms
 of manufacturing widely fluctuates
on the other hand
Linking Words
 There is a positive
trend
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 services and
agriculture
Use synonyms
,
in contrast
Linking Words
 to that in
agriculture
Use synonyms
.The highest number of
employment
Use synonyms
 belonged to
agriculture
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 with 80
million
Use synonyms
employment
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the other two at approximately ten
million
Use synonyms
In contrast
Linking Words
 to the positive
trend
Use synonyms
 of manufacturing and services in the first four years period. the number of
agriculture
Use synonyms
employment
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 dropped significantly and get surpassed by services at roughly 40
million
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,There is
also
Linking Words
 a reverse of the manufacturing
trend
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 in the same years After the intersection occurred all types of jobs stay on the same
trend
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 and there is a prediction that the
trend
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 will continue for over 43years.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, million, trend, agriculture with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "trends" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 7 times.
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