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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think the government funding should not be used for supporting art and culture, others think supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population and the culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #government #art #culture #activities #population
Some individuals are of the opinion that it is not necessary to use the public budget for
art
 fields and culture,
while
 others consider that the government ought to invest money in artwork and societal activities because it is more crucial for the human mind and life.
This
 essay partly agrees with the given statements for some reason and inclinations
along with
 examples will be justified in the following paragraphs.
On the other hand
, in our modern life
art
 and practice are the most important things for people’s behaviour and
also
 their imagination
that is
 why the state spends a lot of money on them and it is very profitable for all youngsters and the elderly.
In addition
 to
this
, the
craft
Fix the agreement mistake
crafts
show examples
very popular around the world ,
such
 as drama, drawing and other types of activities are addicting more and more people. Take an example from Korea, numerous people fans observe Korean singers and drama through the Internet it has been rising day by day.
Apart from
this
 the perception and traditions of some countries are more tantalising and differently mannered.
On the other hand
, other people consider that the government should not waste their funds on fashion and professional fields because of
this
 it ought to spend its money on other crucial aspects that require its attention.
Nevertheless
, cultural funding and
art
 have no financial benefit and
instead
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
, they would be expanding their foundation for educational purposes and health sectors because it is very beneficial for developing countries.
For example
,
according to
 the fact, many civilised nations stretch their funds for equipment necessary for scholastic items and hospitals and
this
 brings to improve these countries. In the final analysis, many believe that the leadership expanding the country’s fund for
art
 and civilization is not necessary ,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
while
 others consider that it is affordable for society and deportment. Despite
this
, they would be obsessed with the government should impose the foundation for pedagogic and medical demand in order to progress the country.
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coherence cohesion
The essay does not fully address the given prompt. It lacks a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points. The logical structure of the essay is weak and lacks coherence and cohesiveness.
task achievement
The essay partially responds to the task by discussing both views, but the arguments lack depth and clarity. It also fails to provide a clear opinion of the writer. More specific examples and comprehensive ideas should be included to fully address the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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