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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts compare how much the proportions of three fast-food outlets are favoured by teenagers in Vietnam and Indonesia in 2017 with projections for 2027.

The pie charts compare how much the proportions of three fast-food outlets are favoured by teenagers in Vietnam and Indonesia in 2017 with projections for 2027.
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The assigned circular chart expounds
the
Correct article usage
apply
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information about the three fast-food categories and
shoes
Correct your spelling
shows
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how
Correct word choice
and how
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 much youngsters
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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liked
Linking Words
this outlets items
Change the determiner
this outlets item
these outlets items
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 in Vietnam and Indonesia
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 2017 and 2027.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
Change noun form
McDonald's
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McDonald is
Correct your spelling
McDonald's
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most
Add an article
a most
the most
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 popular outlet in both countries
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
future
Correct article usage
the future
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 year
also
Linking Words
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, other outlets had different proportion trends that are liked
fluctuating
Wrong verb form
fluctuated
show examples
. To commence with, it is clear from
details
Correct article usage
the details
show examples
 that in Vietnam, Burger King had
highest
Change the article
the highest
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 proportion in 2017 ,about
of
Change preposition
apply
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52%,having a downfall of 13% in upcoming years. In the contrast, kfc had
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
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 ratio of popularity in 2017(4.1%).
Which
Correct pronoun usage
It
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 is projected that it will
rised
Correct your spelling
rise
raised
around
Change preposition
by around
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of
Change preposition
apply
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2% in the future. Probing
further
Linking Words
, in Indonesia, the fraction was noticed at 23% in the beginning year, which is KFC but it is predicted as, the ratio will be inclined
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
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 2027 and 15% was
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
a percentage
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 of Burger King,where
fraction
Correct article usage
the fraction
show examples
 goes downward about
of
Change preposition
apply
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one-third.
In addition
Linking Words
, teenagers are preferred to eat
McDonald
Change noun form
McDonald's
show examples
 items more as compared to other outlets.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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