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Band 5.5

World would be a better place if more women were in leadership positions . To what extent you agree or disagree .

#world #place #women #leadership #positions
The balance between male and female leaders have slightly improved but
still
Add a comma
,still
show examples
 men tend to be boss in many companies. Some believe that more
women
 in leadership positions would make the world a better place and I support
this
 opinion in order to widen perspectives in every way. On the one hand, many rules in a variety of companies including hospitals have been decided based on the previous work environment, which means that some lifestyle changes
such
 as maternity leaves were not fully considered.
For example
, a female doctor, who returned from her maternity leave, has to face the fact that her career is no longer the same as her coworkers, who will have successful careers in the future. Because there is no precedent in
this
 hospital to support her.
Therefore
, someone who can see things from
women
's perspectives should create new functions to adjust to the current situations.
Otherwise
, the
possibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
possibility
show examples
 of
women
 succeeding in their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 would not get better.
On the other hand
, some male workers do not prefer to work with a superior female worker. One reason may be related to
menopausal
Add an article
the menopausal
show examples
 syndrome.
This
 condition affects emotions somewhat and it leads to an emotional attitude and
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
while
 working.
Whereas
 men do not suffer from
this
 syndrome and are more stable in terms of mental condition.
However
,
while
 men tend to think logically,
women
 pay attention to feelings in a positive way. In
this
 case,
women
 could be more reliable and supportive when they need to take care of the companies.
To conclude
,
although
 the criteria to become the top has not changed, I believe that female bosses should be selected to break the old rules.
Submitted by nanamach87 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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