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Band 5.5

Because many children are not able to learn foreign languages, schools should not force them to learn foreign languages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #languages #schools #force
In modern life, learning
languages
 has become a norm in many parts of the world. It is often believed that it is unnecessary for
children
 to learn foreign
languages
 at
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
. In my point of view, it is important for young
children
 to study other
languages
 apart from their mother tongues. No one can deny that learning foreign
languages
 plays an important role in communication skills. It is good for
children
 to experience different
languages
. It not only helps them improve their
language
 skills, but it
also
 assists them to experience a variety of cultures from different nations. Indeed, they have chances to travel
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and study abroad. The most familiar example of
this
 is international
schools
 in Vietnam, which use lingua franca to teach, have many students who are good at English and they have many opportunities to study overseas
such
 as
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 USA and Canada.
By contrast
,
children
’s parents have to spend sums of money on foreign
language
 classes, and
schools
 have to spend lots of money to find English teachers. It makes no difference that knowing many
languages
 can give youngsters many chances to develop quickly.
Apart from
this
, another aspect is taking
language
 courses gives teenagers the ability to accumulate new knowledge. Thanks to that,
children
 can become confident in communicating with foreigners. So they do not have problems when they interact with people from different countries. Another good benefit is that young people grow their
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
 at the time they learn
languages
. Nothing can be more apparent than the evidence that most
children
 who are polyglots are brilliant and confident.
On the other hand
, it can be pressure for
children
 to learn many
languages
 at the same time, perhaps they can have
language
 disorders. It seems quite clear that learning
languages
 helps
children
 grow their abilities. In summary, it is important for
schools
 and parents to facilitate young
children
 learning foreign
languages
.
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

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task response
Ensure that your essay presents a clear argument, addressing the prompt directly and stating your opinion explicitly in the introduction. While your position is somewhat clear, you could explicitly state whether you agree or disagree with the statement in the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay should be organized into clear paragraphs, each one focusing on a specific point. Use cohesive devices to help your essay flow from one idea to the next without repetition or irrelevant information. Provide clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
task achievement
Include more detailed and relevant examples to support your arguments. Examples should be specific and clearly linked to the point you are trying to make. While you have provided some examples, they could be more detailed and directly relevant to the prompt.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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