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Band 4.5

World would be better place if more women were in leadership positions . To what extent you agree or disagree .

#world #place #women #leadership #positions
The presence of
women
 in the contemporary era has been surging in every field,
such
 as sports,
businesses
Fix the agreement mistake
business
show examples
, politics, etc. If there enough qualities to make a better nation? I firmly agree with the statement that the world could be better if
women
 had the authority to lead it and shall discuss my arguments in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, there are
such
 exceptional traits in
women
 that
makes
Change the verb form
make
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 a good leader, like maintaining a balance between personal and professional life. To exemplify,
due to
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 empowerment, females are more educated than in
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 time and working in the corporate world alongside
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
nurturing their children and taking care of the whole family.
For instance
, the research reports provide evidence that over the
last
 5 years, more than 500 companies have been governed by females.
In addition
,
women
 believe in teamwork, and they are good listeners. So, even in politics, the majority of
women
 are on the advisory committee.
Furthermore
,
women
 have a good presence of mind, they would take any wisely and calm
Correct pronoun usage
their mind
show examples
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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 rather than aggressively and in
tension
Replace the word
tense
show examples
 like men. In the past, we could have seen several cases when
women
 had to lead the nation in difficult situations.
For example
, when Indira Gandhi had been selected as prime minister of India,
on the other hand
, the India-Pakistan conflicts started, she had two choices either India rendered against Pakistan or
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
fight with them. She made decisions rigorously to get them. In the end, India has tackled war.
Therefore
, it should be taken into account that if
women
 had power, they would have made a peaceful society. To recapitulate, having disputed the above view, my humble opinion is that
this
 world society would be peaceful and serene if opportunities were provided to
women
.
Submitted by 435759633 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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