IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

World would be better place if more women were in leadership positions . To what extent you agree or disagree .

#world #place #women #leadership #positions
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With the emergence of
feminism
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feminism,
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 there is a common saying about
women
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 in leadership roles that they can make the
world
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 a better place to live, a viewpoint with which I entirely agree.
To begin
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 with, it is completely accepted that most
women
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 as mothers and the ability to nurture their children are the first teachers and
leaders
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 of their own children
as well as
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 their families.
Initially
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,
this
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 inner capability of females could result in leading a number of individuals in the scale of a society, if there is a good development in
this
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 gift. More importantly, most
women
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 feel their responsibility
of being
Change preposition
to be
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leaders
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 in small groups to handle people.
Moreover
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, females are less into power than
masculines
Correct your spelling
males
 because of their instinct. Primarily, because of human history around seeking powers and all of the wars in the
world
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 females were always been victims of history so they can manage to have a peaceful
world
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 if they
would be
Wrong verb form
were
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 in charge.
Secondly
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, there are numerous successful cases of woman
leaders
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 in developed countries who can stand for their gender
for instance
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angela merkel
Correct your spelling
Angela Merkel
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 from Germany is a good example of a successful woman leader and surely there are more examples in history. Some especially anti-feminism individuals might argue that the
world
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 would not be a better place if more
women
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 were in leadership positions since they are too sensitive to be in charge of a crowd .In my opinion,
however
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,
this
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 idea is rather groundless.
As a result
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, I am of the belief that
women
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 with incredible abilities could be potentially inspiring
leaders
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 who can manage individuals to follow better lifestyles.
Submitted by m.beirami2008 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. Also, make sure to provide a conclusion that reflects the main points discussed in the essay.
task response
You need to address the prompt more directly and ensure that your response clearly presents a balanced argument. Make sure to provide more specific examples and elaborate on your ideas to demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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