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World would be better place if more women were in leadership positions . To what extent you agree or disagree .

#world #place #women #leadership #positions
With the emergence of
feminism
Add a comma
feminism,
show examples
 there is a common saying about
women
 in leadership roles that they can make the
world
 a better place to live, a viewpoint with which I entirely agree.
To begin
 with, it is completely accepted that most
women
 as mothers and the ability to nurture their children are the first teachers and
leaders
 of their own children
as well as
 their families.
Initially
,
this
 inner capability of females could result in leading a number of individuals in the scale of a society, if there is a good development in
this
 gift. More importantly, most
women
 feel their responsibility
of being
Change preposition
to be
show examples
leaders
 in small groups to handle people.
Moreover
, females are less into power than
masculines
Correct your spelling
males
 because of their instinct. Primarily, because of human history around seeking powers and all of the wars in the
world
 females were always been victims of history so they can manage to have a peaceful
world
 if they
would be
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 in charge.
Secondly
, there are numerous successful cases of woman
leaders
 in developed countries who can stand for their gender
for instance
angela merkel
Correct your spelling
Angela Merkel
show examples
 from Germany is a good example of a successful woman leader and surely there are more examples in history. Some especially anti-feminism individuals might argue that the
world
 would not be a better place if more
women
 were in leadership positions since they are too sensitive to be in charge of a crowd .In my opinion,
however
,
this
 idea is rather groundless.
As a result
, I am of the belief that
women
 with incredible abilities could be potentially inspiring
leaders
 who can manage individuals to follow better lifestyles.
Submitted by m.beirami2008 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay. Also, make sure to provide a conclusion that reflects the main points discussed in the essay.
task response
You need to address the prompt more directly and ensure that your response clearly presents a balanced argument. Make sure to provide more specific examples and elaborate on your ideas to demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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