IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992.

The pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992.
These
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This
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 pie chart
depits
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depicts
 some of the
employmet
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employment
distributin
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distribution
 in Great Britain in 1992
coparing
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comparing
 between men and women. it
clear
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is clear
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form
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from
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 the graph that there is no
abvious
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obvious
 bias of
non-manual's
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nonmanual's
 percentage for one of the genders.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, automated crafts,
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 around
the
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apply
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half (49% mark) of the whole proportion in
Correct article usage
the male's
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male's
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male
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 category, where it got the largest ratio in
women's
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the women's
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 circle.
manegerial
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managerial
 and
profissional
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professional
 represent 36 per cent of the male's
jobs
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, so it had the highest
part
Use synonyms
 of the percentage, and it was 29 % mark in
Add an article
the female
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female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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 which
still
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is still
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 a significant ratio. for clerical, it only accounted for a tiny fraction which
it
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apply
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was 6 per cent. other
non manual
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non-manual
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jobs
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was
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were
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 a small minority (6% mark) in men's work, where it had a modest increment in the other
part
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 that it got 9%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, manual
jobs
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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needed people to be achieved.
craft
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the craft
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 was in the highest percentage for
male
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males
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,
also
Linking Words
 it was fewer (29%) for
female
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females
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. the most
an
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apply
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insignificant ratio took place by general labourers which
it
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apply
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got 1, and 2 % for
female
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females
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, and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 respectively. There
was
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were
show examples
 some other manual
jobs
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 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 represented
small
Add an article
a small
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 portion of
female
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the female
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part
Use synonyms
 (3%),
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
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 it illustrated the opposite in
Correct article usage
the male's
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male's
Change noun form
male
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 category where it took about a quarter of all the portion.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we could say that all manual crafts had
substantialy
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substantially
 more figures in
male
Add an article
the male
show examples
 section. On the other
part
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, there was a tiny contrast in the
distirbution
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distribution
 for not manual
jobs
Use synonyms
.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words jobs, part with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "represent" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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